The Critical Importance of "Feeling Good" on the Field

A concept that I will be covering a lot in 2014, and is an integral part of my next book (to published in the fall), is that when an athlete feels good they play better.

That may be a common sense statement but there is so much emotionally brewing below the surface that has to be in place for the "feeling good" part to happen.

Additionally the more often an athlete can be in their "emotional sweet spot" the more consistent their on the field performance will be and the more she will enjoy playing the game.

In the simplest of terms, how your athlete feels in any given moment, game or day is an absolute predictor of how she will perform.

To that end, as the messenger I'm here to tell you that all the hitting lessons and practice in the cage, all the fielding reps and all the pitching lessons will NOT guarantee your athlete will ever play to her potential...particularly when it matters most (big game, in front of college coaches) unless she FEELS GOOD.

University of Arizona Head Softball Coach Mike Candrea often says that in order for a girl/woman to play good she has to feel good (conversely boys, Candrea says, need to play good to feel good).

I will agree with Coach Candrea in that the male ego often drives male athletes to judge their performance more harshly than female athletes do theirs. However the female athlete, in my experience, brings much more emotion to the game and, as such, can more easily sabotage her game day performance if those emotions are not channeled productively.
 
So, more specifically, how and why does feeling good so impact game performance?

1. Feelings are the result of thought patterns; some more intense than others.
2. For a female athlete her emotions often reflect how she feels about herself in relation to the experience or action triggering the emotional state she is in.
3. When an athlete is in emotional balance she is able to keep her mistakes and performances that fall short of expectations in healthy perspective.
4. This emotional balance (feeling good) allows for heightened focus, positive energy, elevated confidence and an overall feeling of certainty and well being.
5. A lack of emotional balance can lead to an unhealthy judgment of performance; a mental fixation on mistakes or performances that fall short (and can erode self-esteem).
6. A lack of emotional balance creates thoughts then feelings of doubt and uncertainty; anxiety...leading to diminished focus, confidence, energy and well being.
7. In the heat of the game younger athletes can fall prey to drastic shifts in their emotional state unless they possess the understanding and tools to shift and pivot back into a feeling good mode.
8. Inconsistent play is the result (effect) of the emotional roller coaster (cause) ride younger athletes experience from moment to moment.
9. Most younger athletes are victims to their emotional states because they do not possess the skills to understand the true power they actually do have over their thoughts and emotions.
10. Many athletes easily blame their poor play on their emotions. They may be right but unless they change their mental approach to their game the results will remain the same.

What can you do as parent or coach to help improve your athlete(s) feel good state?

1. Help your athlete by reducing the pressure you put on her with elevated expectations and being critical of her performance (you'd be surprised how emotionally impactful just one critique can be from parent or coach in the mind of a teen).
2. Help your athlete to shift her focus from the results of her performance to the effort given.
3. Cultivate with your athlete the power she has to control her thinking, which in turn will allow her to more effectively manage her emotional states.
4. Encourage your athlete to revisit her goals and motivation for playing the game. Long travel seasons can wear down a younger athlete emotionally. Remembering "why" she plays the game, why she loves the game will help keep her in that emotional sweet spot.
5. Encourage your athlete to practice some form of mental imagery to both remember past successes as well as rehearse future successes.
6. Prep your athlete for the inevitable adversity that will hit her during a game or weekend. Her emotional response will determine her success or failure after the adversity. The more your athlete is mentally prepared for this the quicker she will pivot to the desired state of emotional balance.
7. Encourage your athlete to practice keeping her thinking in the present moment, instead of focusing on past mistakes or the worry of future mistakes. Only in this present moment awareness can your athlete summon the focus and energy needed for athletic success.
8. Encourage your athlete to shift her mindset from "attacking" the game to "allowing" the game to come to her (you'll need to read my new book to fully comprehend this!).
9. Focus your athlete on the distinction between those factors in her game she can and cannot control. Be recognizing the difference she will be able to maintain emotional balance more easily on the field in times of potential stress.
10. Encourage your athlete to explore her emotions before, during and after the game. As she becomes more aware of the different emotional states she experiences she will be more able to begin managing them.

As parent or coach start spending more time in 2014 helping your athlete to feel good about themselves and their game and you will no doubt witness more consistent and better results on the field.

Let me know what you think below! Thanks for reading.


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The Relentless Pursuit of a Softball Dream

In coaching for the first time at the 18u and 18 Gold level this fall I've had an up close look at the "end game" in the travel softball world: players verballing or signing with their dream college. I get to see the relief, joy, and relaxation of the post signed player; no more pressure...just enjoying the game of softball!

Coming from the world of 14u softball, where the road can sometimes seem endless to achieving the dream of college softball and a lucrative athletic scholarship, I have a single but powerful bit of wisdom for players, and parents alike:

Live the dream every day!

Let me explain. Our mind is such a powerful thing and immense attractor of circumstances. Too often a younger player gets frustrated with her performance or weary of late and long practices, early weekend mornings for endless games and struggling to maintain any semblance of a social life amidst the softball grind.

My simple suggestion for athletes (and even parents) is to see the end game NOW:

1. Pour over college and athletic department web sites of target schools (see yourself playing at that/those schools).
2. Be realistic as to a good fit academically
3. Make a list of exactly what you want in a college experience (including academics, geography, social scene, school size and quality of softball program).
4. Start reaching out to target schools that fit your list: send emails and let coaches know where you'll be playing (visit target schools if possible).
5. Make an honest list of your strengths and weaknesses and develop a plan to improve all areas of your game (including strength, speed, quickness, softball IQ).
6. Live the dream every day in your mind.

Living the dream every day means immersing yourself in the journey. Have fun with it. But more importantly prepare yourself mentally for the "end game."

Get excited about it. Visualize it..daydream about it. See yourself wearing the college uniform of your choosing, playing on ESPN, walking around campus having a blast!

The truth is the more your athlete steps into her dream each and every day the more likely she is to achieve it. Just five minutes upon waking in the morning and five minutes before retiring at night contemplating, seeing, living every exciting detail of her dream will have amazing organizing power to make her dream come true.

It is the relentless pursuit of her softball dream!

Thanks for reading, and have a spectacular holiday season :-)

Get your athlete and team mentally prepared for the 2014 season with John Kelly's proven mental performance strategies and tips found in these great products below:

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Your Athlete Chooses How Good She Wants to Be

This fall I have the privilege of coaching with our 18 Gold team. Having been with first year 14u teams the last four years it is quite interesting to watch how the 18 Gold girls approach their game.

At the 14u level I have talked endlessly to my players about their effort and their attitude, both of which are ENTIRELY within their control. Often, if only in my head, I would question many players' effort; particularly in comparison to other teammates or players we competed against.

My take was often wondering how much these kids really loved the game and whether they truly grasped what the end game was (playing softball in college with a partial or full athletic scholarship, and what it took to get there)?

Now on the other side of that question I am coaching kids now that absolutely love the game and know exactly what the end game is; many of whom have already verbally committed to a college. Their effort and attitude, for the most part, is excellent and their level of play reflects that.

But here is the question you should be asking your own athlete...how good does she want to be? What is she willing to do to get there, both physically and mentally?

Does She Stand Out? 

As I now attend showcase events I get to observe firsthand how these young athletes are put on display before the critical eyes of college coaches who watch their every move on and off the field; before, during and after the games.

As collegiate softball becomes bigger and more competitive, which is happening from coast to coast at a rapid pace, coaches are under more pressure to recruit the right players. Each program has a strict budget and scholarship limit as well as the burden/opportunity of high expectations for on the field success each spring.

In other words college softball programs today can't afford to make a mistake with the players they recruit.

Ohio U. player giving her all!

Because of this college coaches scrutinize players they scout to be sure they are "the one." They are looking for girls who stand out from the crowd, and often it's not the 250 foot home run or 65 mph rise ball...but an athlete's hustle from the dugout to the field, how verbal they are in the field or dugout, their willingness to lay out for a ball that gets the college coach's attention.

Again, because effort and attitude are choices your athlete, by design or by default, chooses how good she wants to be. And often your athlete will only get one opportunity to make a great first impression on a college coach, enough so to make them want to come back and watch her play again.

Here's the bottom line...if you hope to get your daughter into college with a softball scholarship you need to know just how competitive the process is. I have stood or sat next to college coaches as they watched games and I see how the little things get their attention.

In reality most college softball programs will likely change your athlete's hitting, pitching or fielding mechanics to the way they want them to be. However, more than one college coach has told me that they can't teach effort or attitude. Meaning if an athlete 15, 16, 17 years old doesn't have it and show it on and off the field they likely will never do it at a higher level.

So encourage your athlete to give it all she's got every time she steps on the diamond. If she loves the game, show it! The bar is getting higher and higher each year for performance as softball becomes an increasingly competitive sport all across America and beyond.

The good news is she can be as good as she wants to be!

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How Parents and Coaches Can Kill Athletic Performance

As sports parents and coaches we undoubtedly want the best for our athletes/daughters. However, for many their best intentions turn into game day actions and behavior that end up hurting athletic performance rather than helping it.

Let's look at the types of things a parent can do to diminish or even kill their daughter's game day performance, and worse...their love for the game:

1. Yelling instructions to their daughter during a game. This is probably #2 in my list of worst things a parent can do to kill athletic performance (we'll get to athletic enemy #1 later). Now I know that many of you are former coaches, but whether your daughter is playing at the rec, All Star, high school or travel level yelling out instructions (no matter how well meaning) only serves to confuse your athlete, take her focus away from the task at hand and, in many cases, undermines the instruction given to her by her coach(es).

In my experience as a coach last minute instructions during a game don't work. The time to instruct is during the week, before a game, or carefully critiqued after a game (see my "60 Minute Rule" post).

Additionally younger female athletes end up being highly embarrassed by a parent who is constantly yelling at them through the fence (if you think I'm wrong ask your daughter).

2. Stalking. If you are the kind of parent who can't stand to be more than 10 feet from the dugout every game STOP. I once had a parent of one of my players who even went to the extent of pretending to take photos right next to our dugout at Nationals just so he could just stand there all game and "spy" on us. Now if you think that is acceptable or mentally stable behavior it's time for a long look in the mirror!

If you were a former athlete...get over it. If you were a former coach...get over it. Let go of your need to control or be involved during your athlete's games. If your daughter is at the travel level of softball you are likely making a significant investment in her game via team dues and private lessons. It's time to DETACH yourself from her performance during ALL practices and games and trust her coaches to do their jobs.

It's only a game brother!

3. Bad Mouthing. Yes, the #1 enemy of all athletes and coaches. This is the parent who can't keep his or her mouth shut during a game; always second guessing the coach's lineup and strategies; never happy. Usually only focused on winning. Even worse they will talk poorly about players on their own team. These parents are POISON and a VIRUS on a team as they infect other parents, players and even their own daughter to question her coaches and teammates. They are dividers that should be cut from any team their daughter plays on. These parents live in a fantasy land of myopia where their child is the best player in the Universe. They utilize verbal abuse and sports "bullying" to attempt to coerce coaches and parents (and sadly their own kid) to see things their way.

This type of parental behavior absolutely kills athletic performance because it creates a constant negative mindset in their daughter. In one national tournament one of my parents barked at me during a game because I pinch hit for his daughter during a pivotal part of a game. For the rest of the week I could see his daughter shut down to any joy of playing or hanging with her teammates. It was sad to watch, but predictable.

Let's look at a couple of coaching behaviors and actions that can also greatly damage athletic performance:

1. Yelling at Players. This type of coach is almost always obsessed with winning, and is "results only" driven. At our recent national tournament I watched a game (yes...always scouting) and witnessed a coach acting like a caged lion in the 3rd base coaching box; pacing back and forth relentlessly, approaching the umpire aggressively on every questionable strike; verbally instructing and criticizing his batters before and after on EVERY pitch (with a booming voice). His body language mirrored his verbal tirades and his players cringed after a failed at bat as he approached them on their way back to the dugout, in their face.

Does this coach actually believe his actions and gross behavior are helping his girls to play better? And yet in this guy's heart he surely wants the best for them. If you have a coach in your world like this guy (or even close), you need to pull him or her aside to discuss their actions or get the heck out of there!

Old school coaching tactics!

Female athletes, in my experience of twelve years of coaching, do not respond well to verbal abuse (or call it aggressive criticism). In fact they usually shut down, lose all respect for that coach, and will NEVER play remotely close to their potential on that team. Verbally criticizing any player in front of her teammates is a major no-no, as girls hate to be embarrassed in front of anyone!

2. Over-Coaching. As a coach it is hard not to over-coach during a game. We want the best for each of our players but sometimes (or always for some coaches) we verbally instruct too much during at bats or with our pitchers. Again, the time for mechanics instruction is during practice not the game. At best I will give my hitters one or two verbal cues if I see them doing something with their swing or I need them to focus on keeping their hands back for a slower pitcher. But far too often I see coaches barking endless batting or pitching instructions to their players.

Keep this in mind, a hitter has about 1/3 of one second to determine pitch velocity, movement and location and whether to swing or not. It requires the ultimate level of concentration and mental focus (think the Olympic platform divers who take sometimes 30 seconds or more to focus themselves prior to their dive). If she is being verbally barraged by both coach and parent what possible chance does she have to focus her thoughts on the task at hand?

The same goes for pitchers. If putting a round bat on a round ball (given the incredibly challenging parameters I described earlier) is the hardest thing to do in sports (as broadcaster Bob Costas often says) then pinpointing a softball within a target the size of a shoe box from 43 feet away may be the second most difficult! Any lapses in concentration caused by over-coaching will cause a clearly diminished return on performance by any pitcher.

In the final analysis it is often best for us adults to just let our kids play. When I was playing as a kid parents rarely said a word during a game other than positive cheering. I never remember my dad even being involved with my baseball as a kid. It was clearly about the kids and the kids ONLY. Today the parents are involved big time and they carry, in my opinion, excessive and unhealthy expectations for their athlete's performance.

Yes, I understand the investment and stakes are higher these days in softball, but if your intention is for your athlete to perform her best my suggestion is to take a step, or several, back and let her coaches coach. And for gosh sake let her enjoy playing the game by respecting her effort. Let go of your need to critique every game, every play, every pitch. If she is 11, 12, 13 ,14 she is still in the developmental phase of a very difficult game, so let her develop at her, not your, pace...and just enjoy the ride!

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