Leadership Skills...8 Tips to Take Her to the Top

I had the opportunity to attend a seminar earlier this week in Florida given by leadership guru John C. Maxwell. Maxwell has written dozens of best selling books on the subject of leadership, so do take the time to pick up his work and read this article carefully!

Make no mistake, leadership skills are vital for your athlete to cultivate and possess if she has a goal of playing at the next level. Travel, high school and college coaches alike always put athletes with strong leadership skills at the top of their list. Like everything else...leadership is a choice your athlete can and should make at whatever level she is capable of.

Here are 8 leadership tips to take your athlete to the top:

1. Leaders expect more from themselves and others. They never limit themselves or allow others to limit their success, their enthusiasm, their effort or attitude. They are always inspired to grow as people and athletes and expect the same from teammates. Leaders see more for their team and teammates and are relentless in their pursuit of success. As a  personal friend told me about his former teammate Michael Jordan, Jordan was always working amazingly hard to improve his teammates in every area of their game, during practice and games.

2. Leaders take the time to build relationships. They converse with teammates and coaches alike to build report and respect. Leaders are interested in their teammates thoughts, feelings and motivations. They understand the value of team chemistry and are the driving force to that end on their team. Leaders are charismatic individuals others take notice of.

3. Leaders are big picture thinkers. They recognize the game is a process that takes time to master. Leaders help their teammates to understand this truth and thus teammates look to the leader for support and direction in the most difficult game situations. Leaders play the game one pitch at a time, yet know exactly when to lead.

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4. Leaders are always observing. They are, not only, watching the game for ways to personally get better...but they are constantly aware of their teammates moods and performances, looking for opportunities to help their teammates and ultimately their team to succeed. Leaders listen and learn...always!

5. Leaders lead by example. They recognize that their teammates and coaches (and scouts) are watching their every move and, as such, they walk the talk. They have a stellar work ethic, they honor the game, they are aware of their body language and verbal language to keep their teammates on purpose. They are a solid and dependable role model for their team.

6. Leaders are highly respected. They earn this respect because they put into practice all the tips listed here. Respect allows leaders to influence their teammates. Their personal attitude and expectations for the team's attitude are embraced by teammates. In this way leaders can motivate their teammates to be better.

7. Leaders create buy in from teammates and coaches. They can effectuate both subtle and dramatic changes on their team because those around them buy in to them as a leader first. Once their teammates and coaches buy into their leadership stature their vision (or recommendations) for the team are easily followed. For example if a leader sees certain players or the team's effort or energy is down she can set the tone for improvement in these areas easily because her teammates respect her and what she says.

8. Leaders find a way to win. They have the power to lead their team to victory regardless of the circumstances or hurdles encountered along the way. Think Michael Jordan; think Joe Montana; think Drew Brees. Their teammates are inspired and motivated by their leadership skills and give more and do more than they thought they could do. Leaders raise the collective level of performance by their team by design.

If you or your athlete have not discussed her leadership role on her team, particularly if she is a catcher, you should. Leaders are highly coveted by top coaches at every level.

Remember, being a leader does not mean an athlete must be the best player or have the best batting average. Sports are filled with some very unlikely leaders, but leaders who can get the most from their teammates while playing a vital role in their team's success. Leaders also do not need to be loud. Some of the world's greatest leaders over time have been extremely quiet (think The Dali Lama, Phil Jackson, Tony LaRussa, Derek Jeter).

Leaders are not born, they are made through a combination of hard work (mastering both physical and mental skills) and a recognition of the opportunity leadership may provide for them and their team.

For more on leadership read the many excellent books written by John Maxwell.

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The 12 Traits of a Champion

Whenever I coach or watch nearly any sporting event I am reminded of just how slim the difference between winning and losing really is in athletics.

In most every game played between two fairly evenly matched teams or players success or failure will come down to just a hand full of plays, right? The team or athlete that makes the plays, executes the best wins don't they? If you follow any larger tournament bracket you will find that the deeper the bracket goes the closer and lower scoring the games all get. Why is that?

Teams and athletes that win consistently do certain things that teams and athletes who don't win consistently do not. This is true in every sport for it is always the little things that capture or cost victory.

Let's look closer at what defines a champion with specific traits that can be learned then duplicated by your athlete and their team.

Here are the 12 traits of a championship level team (they are also the traits of a champion athlete as well):

1. Attitude - Championship caliber teams have a swagger about them, an expectancy that they will play well. These type teams literally exude an energy of success. They have a "can do" attitude from the moment they get up in the morning!

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2. Confidence - Along with the champion's swagger comes extreme confidence; almost cocky but never arrogant. Regardless of the score these teams never stop competing as they are supremely confident they will prevail when the game is over. They trust themselves to make plays, and never hesitate for fear of making a mistake.

3. Relaxed - Along with confidence comes the ability to play the game relaxed. The more relaxed the less chance for mistakes or poor execution on the court or in the field. A relaxed mental state is the result of an expectancy for success.

4. Focused - Championship caliber teams are extremely focused on their goal or purpose (the immediate task at hand). They are able to block out external and internal (mind) distractions during the game that sabotage an ordinary team's success. They anticipate and always have a game plan for game situation.

5. Team - Top teams play as a team. To them their is truly no "I" in team. They are gladly willing to sacrifice and do whatever it takes for their team to succeed and reach their goals. They know their role on the team and excel in it. They support one another unconditionally. There is rarely whining or drama on these teams. They play with great pride and passion.

6. Fun - Championship caliber teams have fun! Because they play with such confidence and experience so much success they play loose and it shows. They laugh and smile on the field or court regardless of the score or any mistakes made. They are the epitome of what sports is about...playing great with passion and joy!

7. Relentless - The best teams keep coming at you. They love playing the game and are on "attack" mode from the very first moment of the game/match. They are always looking for the big play, putting pressure on the defense; they play aggressively on offense and defense. Champions sense momentum and when the victory is in sight they go even harder to finish off their opponents.

8. Work Ethic - Champions simply work harder on both the physical and mental parts of their game. When they are tired they remember their goals and dig deeper. The bar for effort is extraordinarily high on these teams and their performances show it. Each player is constantly striving to improve their weaknesses and turn them into strengths. They play with great desire.

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9. Students of the Game - Champion teams are comprised of players and coaches always driven to be their best. As such they are constantly observing the game, the opposition, games on TV, their own team (or personal game videos) in an effort to learn more about the game and themselves. Champions are always looking for any "edge" that will get them to the winner's circle.

10. Poise - Top teams play with extreme poise under pressure. In fact they look forward to pressure games and pressure moments. Because they are relaxed, confident and focused they play poised and under control. Regardless of the game situation they play at a consistent, peak level that assures their success.

11. Extremely Prepared -  Champion athletes and teams all share one common trait...extreme preparation! With both individual and team skill development champions never let any opponent out prepare them. They also recognize the critical importance of devoting substantial time towards the development of their mental game as well as their physical game. In short champions exhibit extreme will power to prepare themselves to dominate on game/match day.

12. Big Picture Thinking - Champion athletes, teams, coaches and parents all employ "big picture" thinking. They recognize that mastery of their sport takes time. They see mistakes and game/match failure as a great opportunity and challenge to get better. They enjoy the journey of becoming a champion by focusing on the process and the effort rather than solely on the results.

Even though you and I may witness errors and mistakes at the most inopportune time as the reason for the close losses, in reality these are just the effects and not the causes for defeat and failure. Each of the 12 traits covered hear play an integral role, is a vital ingredient, in the ultimate success of any team or athlete.

Granted at the lower levels of age and competition poor mechanics may be a viable culprit of losing as well. However, as your athlete progresses in a game that gets faster as she/he gets older it is their personal and team's mental state that will show up as victor or vanquished on game day.

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Parent vs. Coach...10 Tips to Make it Work

Whether you are a parent or a coach reading this the volatile and sometimes hostel relationship between parent and coach has a dramatic impact on both players and team, usually to the detriment of both.

Having coached over 1,000 fastpitch softball game I have pretty much seen and heard it all, as a coach, parent and fan. As we all know...it gets ugly sometimes! The real question is why does it get ugly and how can parents and coaches get along better?

In competitive or travel softball parents always have a choice as to which team they place their daughter on; in high school or rec softball you're kind of stuck with whomever is coaching. In either scenario there are definite ways to make the relationship work...here they are:

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1. Better Communication - Whether parent or coach the best way to resolve any issue or concern is with one-on-one communication. Take the initiative to approach the other party calmly with suggestions. Don't assume the coach or parent knows what you are thinking and that your point is "obvious" to him/her. Go to the source and work it out. As a coach I always appreciate a parent who takes the time to seek me out to address an issue. I want what is best for my team and each player, and if any parent can help towards that end I'm open to it.

2. Lower Expectations - In my experience many softball parents have astronomical expectations for both their athlete's and team's performance. As a coach I can tell you that most teams are a work in progress; particularly if they are a new team or a team jumping to the next age group. I recognize frustration occurs when players or teams don't perform well, but if your athlete is under 16, believe me, she has yet to master a very difficult game. Give it time.

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3. More Patience - Which leads me to more patience! We expect a lot from our kids today and sometimes they have a difficult time handling everything we throw at them. Allow them some time to get better. No coach is a miracle worker. A good coach sees the big picture for his/her athletes and the team. Do wins and losses really matter at 10, 12 or 14? Look for the baby steps of progress.

4. More Trust - Parents need to trust their athlete's coaches more. In my experience parents assume they know exactly what is going on with the team at all times. However I can assure you they do not know about injuries, keep track of playing time (for 12-14 kids...which can be hard), work with the players in practice, know their strengths and weaknesses as well as those of the opponent. If you have committed to a team trust that the coaches have a plan.

5. More Respect - Along with trust comes respect. No matter what you may personally think of your athlete's coaches they are volunteering their time (or being paid slaves wages at best) to help your athlete and the team. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the very best they can and respect them for their effort. It's easy to criticize from the other side of the fence.

6. Be Realistic - How good is your athlete, and how good is her team? Being realistic is a by-product of expectations. If your athlete is not yet a consistent peak performer try to see her through the eyes of her coaches. They have to manage 12+ players and do their best to develop them all while making every effort to win. Maybe your athlete isn't good enough to crack the starting lineup, but she is learning a ton about the game and is benefiting being exposed to better competition.

7. The Embarrassment Factor - If your athlete is a teenager you should be aware of how embarrassed she get when you are yelling at her, at the coaches, at the umpires, at other parents, etc. First of all it isn't helping the team one bit and it is likely embarrassing the heck out of your athlete and hurting her performance as well. Remember...we can hear you through the fence!

8. Don't Stir the Pot - This is my biggest pet peeve as a coach...when a parent talks about the coaches, a player or another parent behind everyone's back. This "stirring the pot" of discontent can become a cancer on a team (making a coach's job even more difficult) and may ultimately be grounds for not inviting your athlete back to play on the team in the future. I've had parents on my own team almost come to blows because one player is playing more than another, or because of remarks made about a player after an error or bad at bat. Really? Read #1 through #7 again if you don't get this point!

9. Focus on Effort...Not Results - A common source of discontent between players and coaches stems from being obsessed with the results of the game and minimizing the effort or progress a player or team is making. No athlete or team has ever or will ever be perfect. Do we strive for perfection...yes. But to expect that 10, 12, 14 or 16 year old girls are going to win every game or not make mistakes is creating unnecessary frustration. If you, instead, focus on the effort being given and the slow but steady improvement your athlete and team are making you might see the coach in a different light.

10. New Team - If you've tried points 1-9 and still have issues with your athlete's coaches then maybe it is time for a change. There are times when a player and parent are better off in a new environment, with a new culture and attitude. If your current team has a negative or critical vibe, your athlete isn't getting legitimate playing time she deserves (see #6), or her coaches don't really seem to be helping her to get better a new team may be the answer. But I caution you against "team hopping" where the grass is always greener mentality prevails. Maybe you should ask your athlete what she wants to do? Is she happy? Does she enjoy her teammates and coaches? Moving her to a new team will mean new teammates, new coaches and new culture. How will she fit in?

As a coach and softball parent I know all too well that parents and coaches don't always see eye to eye on strategy or lineups. However, if both parties can respect each others' position there can be individual and team harmony. Remember, we're all out there at 7am on a cold or hot Sunday morning for the girls. As I always say...would you rather be right or be happy (because sometimes you can't have both)?

**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $49...full of a ton of mental performance resources!

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The Profile of a Peak Performing Fastpitch Player

What makes for a great athlete, one who performs at a peak level on a consistent basis? On television we can watch these elite athletes every weekend. However, at the youth softball level...not so much. What then separates the great athletes from those who aspire to be, and how can your fastpitch athlete become a consistent peak performer?

Let's look at the profile of a peak performing fastpitch player to see how your athlete compares:

• She is proactive in her mental approach and preparation for both her practices and her games filling her head with positive thoughts and statements. She recognizes that how she thinks is how she plays.

• She has a solid pre-game and in-game physical and mental game plan that allows her to remain in the present moment on the field, rather than future or past focused.

• She possesses rock solid self-confidence that allows her to remain calm under pressure and focus on the task at hand.

•  Because she is self-confident and does not focus on the results but rather the process she is able to overcome any adversity and looks at such adversity as a learning opportunity to further improve her game.

• Her mental mastery allows her to play anxiety and fear free, enabling her to consistently perform at peak levels.

• She knows that she is mentally and physically prepared each game and, as such, she expects success.
  
  
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• She possesses a deep level of joy and passion for playing the game she loves, that anyone can easily see by the smile on her face and her body language.

• She is a poised athlete who recognizes that errors and outs are part of the game.

• She is able to manage the expectations of herself and others around her in a healthy manner, challenging herself but keeping the game and her performance all in perspective of the bigger picture.

• She is a leader on her team and the player her teammates look to for inspiration and her coaches looks to for peak performance.

• She can’t wait to get to the field for practice or games!

Becoming a consistent peak performer is a journey, not a destination that requires constant effort and practice mastering the same mental skills that Olympic, professional and elite athletes the world over engage in.

To learn more about how your athlete can become the very best visit us at Winner's Edge Softball where you will find plenty of free mental skills resources.

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Top 10 Mental Performance Killers That Sabotage Her Success

We all want our darling daughters to succeed in everything they do in life, don't we? Athletics is certainly an area, as parents, we feel strongly about doing all we can to insure her success. By participating in the game of fastpitch softball your daughter has chosen a tough game to master; a game fraught with peril, adversity and disappointment around every corner.

As parents and coaches we spend countless hours and dollars on our daughters' mastery of the physical side of the sport. But, in my mind, physical training alone is simply not enough to make her a consistent peak performer. The inevitable failures that each player must overcome in fastpitch can snowball into more mistakes in an ever increasing downward performance spiral unless she possesses specific mental skills mastery.

Here are my Top 10 Mental Performance Killers that can absolutely sabotage her success:

1. Lack of Mental Focus or Present Moment Awareness- Unable to adequately concentrate at the pivotal moment of hitting, fielding, pitching or base running. Engaged in future or past focus.

2. Fear & Anxiety- Afraid of failure, embarrassment, disappointing parents, coach, teammates or self. Unable to control anxiety, adrenalin, focus causing a drop in performance.

3. Unmanageable Expectations- Burdened by excessive and unreasonable expectations on her performance by parents, coaches, teammates or self; accelerates anxiety, frustration and self-judgment.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence- Characterized by self-doubt, negative self talk, expectations of failure versus success.

5. Results versus Effort Thinking- Focusing on results only minimizes the value of her effort and minimizes learning opportunities.

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6. Lack of Trust- Can cause hesitancy in making a decision on the field and always leads to failure.

7. Lack of clear Motivation and Commitment- A potential disconnect between player and parent; unwilling to do whatever it takes to get better.

8. Lack of a clear and concise Plan for pre-game, in-game and post-game- Having a mental and physical game plan improves self-confidence and performance.

9. Not Recognizing her Controllables- Which factors does she have control over in the game and which factors does she not? Knowing this will lower her anxiety and self-judgment.

10. Expecting Failure (Catastrophe Thinking)- The most detrimental type of thinking; truly expecting the worst case scenario every time. Can bleed into all areas of her life.

All of these Top 10 Mental Performance Killers are covered at length in my new book, How She Thinks is How She Plays (read a sample chapter). It is vitally important that you recognize that there are specific reasons for your athlete's inconsistency on the playing field. It all starts with her thoughts, feelings and beliefs about herself and the game.

If the game is 90% mental as some say how much focus does your athlete spend there?

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Losing the Close Games & Still Smiling

First things first...I love to win and really don't enjoy losing. I wouldn't say that I "hate" to lose because as a coach I recognize that a certain amount of losing is inevitable. As a coach I also realize that losing is only a label we put on a specific result; which can belittle or dismiss the effort put forth.

For young athletes playing well in defeat can be more empowering and instructive than playing poorly in victory. Winning as the primary litmus test for team or player success can serve to mask deficiencies that need to be worked on in order to further the journey of mastering a difficult game.

This past weekend my 14u team played in a fairly competitive tournament in which we lost three very close games (3-2, 4-3 and 2-0); the last against an eventual championship game finalist in the 40 team tournament. Overall we played well and although we lost three of four games over the weekend we made progress in several areas.

Losing the close games and being able to smile means as a player, a parent or coach that you are able to keep everything in perspective. Do close loses make for a more difficult night's rest...they certainly do for me. As a coach losing a close one always means second guessing what we did and didn't do in key moments of the game. But even for coaches close games can be an opportunity to learn and get better.

If we all continue to celebrate their efforts as much as their results we can keep a smile on our faces, reflect on what each player and the team needs to improve on and get to work at the next practice to get better!

Yes a close loss is still a loss, but it likely means your athlete and her team are closer than you think to coming out of the close games with a "w." Just keep working hard and smiling!

Maybe it's time you consider private Mental Skills Coaching for your athlete to help to be the very best she can be? Contact John Kelly at: SoftballSmarts101@gmail.com.

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