The 3 Secrets to Game Day Success

As Memorial Day looms around the corner every softball player from coast to coast will start playing more meaningful games very soon...all leading up to State and National Championship tournaments.

As the games and the stakes get bigger will your athlete be ready to perform her best in the moments and games that matter most?

Will she stand out from the crowd...particularly in front of college scouts?

Here are three critical factors that will absolutely predict her success or failure during championship season:

1. Proper Preparation - I always tell my players that they can truly be as good as they want to be. If they are willing to do the work both physically and mentally the sky's the limit as to their performance level on game day. What are some of the ways your athlete can properly prepare to insure her success?

a. Recognize her strengths and weaknesses in her game and actively work on improving the weakest parts of her game. This may also include improving speed, strength and quickness. For pitchers this might include developing a better change or rise and working harder to achieve pinpoint location. On defense this may mean more work on the backhand or for catchers more practice on quick release throws to 2nd or 3rd.

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b. Have a mental game plan to properly prepare for each game, each at bat, each pitch on defense or in the circle. Softball is a game that demands all players make timely adjustments. By paying attention during the game any player can gain an edge that will enable her to more easily make adjustments (like recognizing the umpire's strike zone or the pitch sequence tendency of the opposing coach/team). if your athlete is a pitcher she MUST develop a consistent pre-game routine to insure her mental and physical readiness for the game.

c. Being properly prepared physically and mentally prior to stepping on the field builds a strong sense of self-confidence. If you know you've done the work and all you can do to prepare for battle it is far easier to play free of doubt and anxiety. Confidence is the critical foundation all elite athletes share. With it any success is possible on game day, while without it the game can be a nightmare roller coaster ride of disappointment.

2. Having an Expectancy for Success - With rock solid self-confidence comes an ironclad expectancy for success. Imagine this expectancy for success to be an armor against the inevitable stress and pressure of bigger games and pivotal moments within those games. Having an expectancy for success looks like an individual and team swagger that makes the game fun.

Alabama: 2012 National Champions...Expecting to Win!

Last season's NCAA Softball Championship series between Alabama and Oklahoma was a phenomenal example of two teams and 45 players breathing the expectancy for success. I guarantee you each batter on both teams couldn't wait to hit, and this against the likes of Keilani Ricketts and Jackie Traina...two of the nastiest pitchers around!

In a game built on speed where each player has so little time to make a decision there is a razor fine line between expecting success and expecting failure. Cultivating the expectancy for success takes some time, but it will ultimately mean the difference between success and failure on the biggest softball stages!

3. Rebounding from Adversity - In a game where failure is more common than success a young player's ability to bounce back from the inevitable kicks in the stomach the game will surely administer is critical. Proper preparation and having the expectancy for success and foundation of rock solid self-confidence are essential elements, but to be able to consistently rebound from mistakes and game day failure requires a far different mindset. Here are a few tips to help your athlete more quickly bounce back from a tough game or play:

a. Understand that failure and mistakes are part of the game and no one who ever played the game has been immune to game day adversity. In other words even the great players have gone through tough games!

b. See mistakes as an opportunity to grow and get better. Although it sounds weird mistakes allow each player, if framed properly between the ears, to see which part of their game needs work. I tell my girls that the game will always give them a report card that tells them exactly where they need to get better.

c. Focus on the process and not the results. Softball mastery takes years and years. No matter how old your athlete is and what level she plays at she will still need to climb the ladder of mastery for many more years to come. In the interim if her focus is on getting better and not worrying (and judging herself) solely on her results (this means you too parents and coaches!) your athlete will be able to bounce back from mistakes and poor at bats far quicker. Her confidence will more likely stay in tact and her "slumps" will be shorter.

As championship season approaches if your athlete can focus on these the "secrets" her game day performance will soar and her joy for playing and competing in the biggest games will be something she looks forward to rather than dreads.

Like I said earlier...your athlete can be as good as she wants to be. It just requires having a good game plan and sticking to it!

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Sports Parents: Part of the Problem or Solution?

Regardless of the sport, the gender, the age group or corner of the country on any given Saturday millions of sports parents will be dissatisfied with their son or daughter's coach(es) and/or team.

With the expectations for performance so visibly sky high for all youth sports in 2013 is it any wonder that parent/coach conflict is the norm rather than the exception?

As a coach and sports parent myself I ask you this question: Are you part of the problem or the solution?

Now I fully understand that there are numerous situations where, as a parent, you may be fully justified in being upset, bewildered or disappointed in how your athlete's coach runs their team or handles your athlete's playing time, etc. And you certainly have the right to expect an acceptable level of competency and decorum from your coaches during practices and games.

On the flip side you might be the kind of parent expecting nirvana, perfection, an idyllic season where your athlete, team and coach do no wrong in your eyes. Be truthful...how often has that happened before at any level? Being realistic of your athlete and their team's potential is critical for any sports parent.

So let's look at what being part of the problem or the solution looks like. Which category do you fall into (or your spouse)?

Here's what being a part of the problem looks like:

1. You keep track of game statistics and each players participation time to justify that the coach isn't treating your athlete fairly. Furthermore you will go out of your way to throw these stats at the coach to intimidate or manipulate his or her game day decision making.

2. You stand behind the backstop or in the stands verbally bad mouthing your athlete's coach or, worse, other players on her/his team; whether about his/her game strategy or player usage. This type of behavior is the worst kind of poison because it serves to undermine team unity, respect and support for team and coach; particularly if these verbal snipes are within eye shot of players, other team parents and coaches.

3. You share your displeasure with your athlete's coach with your athlete in the car from a game or at home. This serves to undermine the coach's efforts and plants the seed in your athlete's mind that his/her coach is incompetent or purposely treating her/him unfairly. She/he may then share your views with their teammates and team unity is then shot...leading to poor effort and game day performances.

4. You say nothing but are constantly pacing during the game or hovering by the dugout or bench in an attempt to hear what the coach or coaches are saying to the team. You are the proverbial fly on the wall, the pest the coaches can't wait to avoid at all costs (I have even seen players cut because of parent behavior like this).

5. You put your athlete on a pedestal, myopic to his or her true athletic ability. You can't understand why she/he isn't playing over Tommie or Tammie because she/he is clearly better than them (when the truth and stats clearly don't support your position). You maintain "small picture" thinking, without regard for team or individual player development.

6. You publicly confront your athlete's coach(es) immediately after a game in a quasi emotional rage making a fool of yourself in front of fellow parents, players and other teams...causing extreme embarrassment for your athlete and team, and risking permanent alienation with his/her coach(es).

Here's what being part of the solution looks like:

1. You express your frustration or disappointment in your athlete's coach(es) in a constructive, non-emotional way.

2. You approach your athlete's coach(es) at an appropriate time when neither of your emotions are high; at practice or in a private meeting set up by phone or email. You might find your athlete's coaches far more approachable and far less defensive if you proceed in this manner with any questions or problems you have. If you can cultivate a relationship of mutual respect with your athlete's coaches you'll likely be heard a whole lot more. Remember the old saying..."sugar catches a lot more flies than vinegar."

3. You communicate positively, but realistically to your athlete regarding her/his coach(es). You might say something like this, "Even though we may not agree with some of your coaches strategies (or you playing time/position) we need to respect his decisions. You can't control what your coach does (other than the player seeking out the coach to discuss concerns) so don't let it affect your attitude or game performance."

4. Maintain "big picture" thinking. You recognize that your athlete's coach(es) may just have a longer range plan for player or team development that you are not privy to. At the bare minimum maintain the perspective that it's youth sports: that where ever  your athlete and their team are today is not where they will be in a year or two. Comparing their performance to that of professional athletes and teams is silly and psychologically destructive to all involved...most notably your own athlete.

5. Because you do maintain "big picture" thinking you keep your emotions in check before, during and after your athlete's games. You give your athlete and her/his coaches "room" during games keeping your physical and verbal distance.

6. You recognize that coaching is not an easy job. So much more goes into what a coach has to do on the field or court than what any parent sees during a game. Coaches are constantly evaluating their athlete's during practice for effort, attitude and skill mastery (far more closely than you are able to observe). A good youth coach is always doing his/her best to put the team in a position to play their best while being mindful of each player's game and emotional development. Having to deal with irate parents in the stands should not be part of the job description!


The bottom line is your athlete and his/her team is comprised of kids who are, by nature, works in progress. Their coach or coaches may be volunteers or minimally paid individuals who, like their professional counterparts, are prone to making mistakes in strategy and judgment from time to time.

Now, that being said, there are bad coaches out there...absolutely. I am certainly not going to defend them. But even bad coaches deserve your respect for their effort; even if you don't understand or like the outcome. If they are verbally or physically abusive (like the Rutgers coach who was just fired) you have every right to confront your athlete's coach(es).

In any difficult situation in sports or in life you can choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution. The key is in recognizing which behavior leads to which result. You can be in a perpetual state of aggravation and frustration over your athlete's coach(es), spreading your venom where ever you go on game day...or you can be the adult and find a way to affect changes that might result in a positive solution to your problem (which might even include accepting the situation or even changing teams). But beware of "team hopping" because of your dissatisfaction with your athlete's coach(es); the grass isn't always greener on a new team and your athlete's being ripped away from his/her comfort zone may adversely effect performance.

[If your coaching issue is involving a high school coach I understand that transferring schools is likely not an option so, again, if you have no control over it why fume? If need be express your concerns to the school Athletic Director or Principal. High school coaches can be stubborn, especially if they also teach at the school. At least travel or competitive coaches know that if you aren't pleased with their performance you always have the option of leaving.]

Soon enough your little athlete will be out the door to college (whether playing ball there or not), so enjoy watching him/her play while you can. These are precious moments that will never come again. Do your best not to spoil them with misplaced anger and ego. Remember...be the solution not the problem!

What do you think? Share your thoughts or coaching/sports parents stories with me below.

Thanks for reading!

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Every athlete needs a high level of sports confidence to be successful on game day. Does your athlete have it? Take her sports confidence to the next level with the Sports Confidence Blueprint program...a proven step by step formula to skyrocket game performance and game confidence!

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Travel to High School Transition Tips

As the 2013 high school softball season is upon us many players must make the transition from their travel team to their high school team. This can be a difficult process for some as the dynamics between the two are quite different. Here are 5 Tips to make your athlete's high school season as productive and enjoyable as possible:

1. Practices - In most cases high school practices aren't as rigorous or structured as travel practices. If your athlete has been used to tough practices continue to give the "travel" effort and focus during high school practices. The great thing about high school softball is your athlete has five days each week to work on her game (particularly if she is a pitcher). So utilize this time to work on weaknesses. The high school season offers over 100 hours of cumulative practice time, so DON'T WASTE IT!

2. Team Dynamics - In travel ball most every girl aspires to play softball in college. They are typically very purposed and driven to succeed. Your athlete's high school team is likely made up of a mixture of travel and non-travel players, so motivations for playing will vary. The key is achieving a balance where your athlete can continue to play the game at the elevated level she expects without getting frustrated with teammates who are just out there to participate in a high school sport.

3. Coaching - Although many high school coaches also coach travel in my experience most high school coaches are a step or two behind in practice preparation and game management. As such your athlete (and you) needs to recognize and respect the differences between her travel and high school coach. Their coaching philosophies may be far different. Participation may be more important than winning to some. Your athlete may be asked to play a different position simply because she is the best athlete on the team and her high school team has a hole at a certain position she must fill. The key here is patience and a willingness to do whatever is best for the team! Remember, college coaches rarely scout high school games.

4. The Joy of the Game - All too often in travel softball the game looks more like a "job" than a "joy." The high school softball season is the time of the year your athlete can relax a bit and enjoy the game a little bit more. Pressure can breed a disdain for the game, with a constant worry of mistakes, judgment and failure. At the high school level the game is much the same: 60 foot bases, optic yellow balls and three strikes. However in this environment, your athlete's attitude and mindset can be much different if she chooses. Without pressure her performance can soar and her enjoyment for playing the game can skyrocket!

5. The Big Picture - The main difference between travel and high school softball is the honor of representing your school and playing with your school friends. After all the early mornings driving to far flung places for travel, and playing with teammates you never see outside of travel high school softball offers a "kinder and gentler" experience for your athlete; an opportunity to relax a little and enjoy Sundays off and team bus trips to away games. So rather than you and your athlete being frustrated with the talent level or coaching deficiencies at the high school level look at it for what it is: a three month break from the pressure of travel and an opportunity to get five days per week to sharpen her game while hanging out with friends in the process.

The transition from travel to high school can be a great experience or a frustrating one; it's all in the thinking. Remember, effort, attitude and preparation are always a CHOICE.

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The Attitude of Gratitude

Being grateful means being appreciative, and to appreciate means to value or admire something or someone highly. Another great definition from Merriam-Webster for "appreciate" is: to judge with heightened perception or understanding; to be fully aware of.

I bring these definitions to your attention this Thanksgiving weekend in an effort to heighten you and your athlete's awareness, perception and appreciation for the gift of softball and youth sports in general.

Let's get down to specifics with The Attitude of Gratitude:

Players - Recognize and be aware of just what a privilege it is to play your sport. No matter  what team you play on your coaches chose YOU to be on it. They believe in your ability, so respect and honor your coaches and teammates by giving 110% effort all the time and bringing the Attitude of Gratitude to every practice and game. Get excited about being on your team and appreciate every minute of it. Your energy of gratitude can inspire you and your team to do great things!

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As well you should express deep gratitude and appreciation to your parents and other family members who support you in playing your support and sacrifice both valuable time and money for you to participate and improve through private lessons, traveling tournaments, clinics, top equipment, etc.

And although it may be hard to grasp in this generation but a generation ago young female athletes did not possess the opportunities to play the game as you do today. Honor those opportunities and those players who went before you to pioneer the game paving the way for the great opportunities you have today.

Remember that effort and attitude are always a choice. That you can be as good in this game as you want to be and are prepared to work for. Being grateful for the opportunity means not squandering it. If you have goals to play your sport in college find that burning desire to be your best and go for it!

Parents - For parents the Attitude of Gratitude looks like appreciating coaches for the hard work and commitment they make to your athlete's development (no, you don't need to like or agree with all their coaching decisions, but you can still be grateful and respect their time, energy and commitment). Appreciate your athlete and their team for the effort they put into mastering a very difficult sport. This means don't expect perfection; allow them time to learn by making the inevitable mistakes and adversity the game will throw at them. Focus on the process or getting better rather than solely on the results.

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Appreciate your spouse, your family and yourself for their (and your) sacrifices made that enable your athlete to pursue her dream. Being a sports parent today can be stressful, especially if you have more than one child pursuing their athletic dream! Employ "big picture" thinking.

Be grateful for all the wonderful life lessons your athlete is learning through her sports experiences...win or lose. As in life we tend to learn more in the midst of failure and adversity than constant smooth sailing, so allow your athlete to fail and know that inside she is learning and growing greatly from it. These life lessons she will carry her entire life and will (and likely already) make her a better, more disciplined, more resilient person able to handle the many challenges life will throw at her as an adult.

Also in your grateful bliss commit to honoring the game which means supporting your athlete's team 100%. Nothing is worse and more detrimental to a team's success than parents talking poorly about players, team or coaches to other parents or within earshot of players. This divisiveness creates negative energy among parents and team that can only hurt your athlete. Also support and appreciate the opposing team for without them there would be no game. Despite wearing a different uniform, as adults, we should wish success for all these young athletes. Recognize that they are all working hard to achieve their athletic dreams too.

Finally as part of having an Attitude of Gratitude please respect and appreciate the umpires and officials each and every game. As with the coaches you may not agree with all their calls (I know I usually don't!), but you can still show respect and recognition that he or she is doing the very best they can to get each call right. I can assure you, having spoken to hundreds of umpires and officials over the years, that they take their jobs very seriously. Most of them sat where you did years before watching their own kids play sports. As such they respect the athletes and want to be a positive force on the field. Your verbally ridiculing an umpire only serves to disrespect the game and undermine your athlete and her team.

So on this relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, while you and your athlete are likely taking a short break from the game remember the Attitude of Gratitude. I'm confident that if you and your athlete keep the points I have written here in mind you will both enjoy the game more and you might even enjoy writing those sports related checks a little more (okay...that might be a reach!).

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