The Confidence Cycle in Sports

For most younger athletes their game day success, particularly during the most pivotal moments of the game, all comes down to their belief in their ability to succeed or fail. In other words do they have adequate self-confidence on the field or court or not?

As I prepare in the coming weeks to launch what I believe will be a groundbreaking online mental performance course for athletes, parents and coaches, The Game Day Domination Course, my research on the subject of self-confidence for younger athletes (along with my own experiences as a game coach, mental performance expert and former collegiate athlete) has convinced me that self-confidence is not an accident. In fact I have concluded that self-confidence for any athlete is the product of a clearly defined "cause and effect" cycle that is quite predictable. Moreover this confidence cycle is a clear predictor of game day performance as well.

For your athlete to achieve and maintain a high level of self-confidence, and thus a high level of game day performance they will need to be mindful of their own "confidence cycle."

So what is the "confidence cycle" that ultimately propels or sabotages game day performance?

It all starts with how your athlete processes his or her performance. In other words what are the thoughts swirling around in their head before, during and after his or her games?

If those thoughts are expansive, positive, and "can do" they have laid a great foundation for their confidence cycle and game day success.

However, if their mental reaction to their game day performance is highly critical, negative, limiting and "can't do" he or she has created a rocky foundation for their confidence cycle and game day performance.

Below is a flow chart illustrating the cycle between the most important components that make up self-confidence:

The Confidence Cycle

 The cause and effect relationship between the components in the "confidence cycle" can be explained like this:

1. Your athlete holds certain beliefs about themselves and their game. These beliefs in themselves can be expansive or limiting (for example, they may believe they are competent in certain aspects of their game, but not others).

2. How your athlete reacts, via their thoughts, to a game event (in part based on their beliefs) will trigger specific thoughts (positive or negative; motivating or deflating; "can do" or "can't do") that will have an enormous impact on their emotional state.

3. Your athlete's emotional state will either allow him or her body to be relaxed or anxious; able to laser focus on the task at hand (play) or be unable to focus.

4. Your athlete's emotional state, triggered by their thoughts, will dictate in any given moment the level of self-confidence he or she will experience.

5. This confidence level will dictate their game day performance, particularly in the most pivotal moments of the game.

To summarize the "confidence cycle," when your athlete believes they can succeed in the execution of a future game event they likely will. Strong beliefs in future success come from: 

1. Previous game day successes.

2. A belief that the athlete has adequately trained or prepared themselves physically for game day success.

3. A supportive environment (coaches, parents, teammates).

4. Use of proper mental performance training to use mental imagery and other mental cues to prepare themselves mentally for game day success. 


An athlete who consistently dominates on game day is an athlete with:


1. Strong beliefs and expectancy for their game day success.

2. Positive, "can do" thoughts that sees every game as an exciting challenge.

3. A clearly defined "pre-game" and "in-game" plan or strategy to heighten both relaxation and mental focus that will allow them to optimally approach each game day situation proactively and by design.

4. Rock solid self-confidence is built from beliefs, thoughts and feelings of success, as well as a calm, relaxed and focused mind and body.


So be aware of the "confidence cycle" with your athlete and whether his or her "confidence cycle" is setting them up for game day success or failure.


Remember game day success is not an accident; it is cultivated and maintained by design and by choice. Supreme confidence is the key to sustained peak performance on game day.


Game day domination requires that your athlete be ultra prepared both physically and mentally. One without the other will never yield consistent game day performances. Find out how to improve your athlete's game day performance here.


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How Emotions Can Destroy Her Game Day Performance

Let's face the facts...all the hitting and pitching lessons you can afford, and all the ground balls and batting cages swings in the world won't matter a lick if your athlete folds under the pressures of the game.

I have seem countless players look fantastic in practice only to come unraveled during pivotal moments on game day. Why is that? There are certainly a number of contributing factors, all found between the ears. However, in today's post, I want to focus on how your athlete's emotional state can and will destroy her game day performance.

If you are a parent or a coach we all grapple with the weekly emotions of our teenage daughters/players, don't we? Teenage girls in general can be a handful, but add the stress, pressure and expectations of a softball diamond into the mix and these young ladies can quickly become their own worst enemies in a heartbeat!

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The diagram below illustrates the impact your athlete's emotional state has on her performance. Your athlete has the choice of how she reacts to a "game event" by her "thoughts." Her thoughts (positive or negative) will trigger an emotional reaction. This emotional reaction will have a direct impact on the quality of her overall game day performance.
 


If the "chain reaction" of event / thoughts / emotions (feelings) is a positive and healthy one a domino effect of high performance will ensue. However if that "emotional" chain reaction is negative and limiting the domino effect can create a continual stream of poor performance during subsequent game events (or plays).

Here is an example of a negative emotional "chain reaction" that can destroy game day performance:

• An athlete makes a crucial error in the field and immediately engages in negative thought patterns that question her ability to succeed. She starts internal dialogue like, "I can't believe I missed that ball. I suck at shortstop."
• As these negative thoughts continue and compound the emotional reaction ensues. The athlete feels frustrated, angry or sad based solely on her reaction to her game event and the negative thoughts that bombard her head as a result.
• Now her emotional state is heightened in a negative and destructive way, including the inability to focus on the present moment and the task at hand.
• The athlete, as many do, takes her mistake in the field and carries it over to her next at bat. Unfocused with diffused energy and "can't do" thinking she strikes out and walks away with an even more elevated emotional instability as her frustration may now turn to anger. Her failure at the plate only serves to reinforce her own conclusions in her head that she "can't do it."
• For the remainder of that game (and perhaps several games that day or weekend) the athlete's emotional state prevents her from playing at an optimal level nor from enjoying the game. Her game day performance is dismal...far below her true softball potential.

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Let's look at an example of a positive emotional "chain reaction" that can propel game day performance:

• An athlete strikes out with the bases loaded at a pivotal time in the game. Rather than engaging immediately in negative thought patterns she recognizes the pitcher made a great pitch and she can't wait for the challenge of hitting against her next time.
• These positive and healthy thought patterns lead to a healthy emotional reaction whereby the athlete is still disappointed in her strikeout but the overwhelming feelings are ones of excitement and determination to do better next time.
• Because of her positive and constructive emotional state she is able to remain focused in present moment awareness and is ready to attack the next task at hand.
• Any future game events will likely be approached with a "can do" attitude, minimizing the chances for adversity.
• For the remainder of that game and likely many more to follow this athlete will perform more near her true softball potential, while greatly enjoying the process of playing the game.

The solution to insuring optimal game day performance for your athlete lies in her ability to properly frame the results of a game event. If she expects perfection or is burdened by excessive external expectations (from parents or coaches), or simply lacks self-confidence a less than optimal game event can cause her emotional state and game performance to spiral downward rapidly. If she can frame the same game event positively and productively (as in "mistakes are part of the game and opportunities to learn" and "I see that opportunity as a challenge") then the potential negative impact from the game event will be minimized and game day performance can be optimized.

Simply stated your athlete's emotional states can expand or limit her game day potential for success. Here are three steps she can take to turn that frown upside down after a mistake:

1. Recognize how she is responding to the game event (what are her emotional habits?).

2. Acknowledge that she has a choice as to how she reacts to the event (taking responsibility for her emotions).

3. Frame the event more positively, focusing on the effort and process rather than simply the results (keeping it all in perspective).

Remember, how your athlete responds to adversity is always her choice. Help her to develop the mental tools she needs to dominate on game day!

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The 10 Point Blueprint to Sports Confidence

Of all the topics I write about, speak about and train on self-confidence is consistently at the top of the list for parents, coaches and players...and for good reason. Without a high and consistent level of self-confidence your athlete will stand little chance of becoming a consistent peak performer on the field.

Self-confidence is the mental trigger mechanism that drives performance. Unfortunately for a young athlete self-confidence can be as fleeting as sand through their fingers, and a frustrating mystery for both parents and coaches.

It's a given that all athletes want to perform their best every time they step on the field. However, optimal performance is a result of both physical and mental skills mastery; one without the other will create a disconnect that will show up in key game situations when an athlete's success or failure will hinge on their "crunch time" performance.

Fortunately there is a blueprint to gaining peak self confidence, the ingredients of which are found in the complex set of variables that either serve to propel and empower confidence or sabotage and destroy confidence. The path this blueprint lays out is easy to understand, yet hard to master. Peak self-confidence comes with time and conscious effort by both player and parent. It requires being honest about the current state of the athlete's level of self-confidence and why it is where it is.

Here is the 10 point blueprint your athlete MUST follow in order to cultivate and maintain peak confidence that will, in turn, yield consistent peak performance on game day:

1. Acknowledge their current state of confidence, fear and anxiety. In other words for parent and athlete don't pretend the problem isn't there. With self-confidence issues your athlete can't just tough it out and work through it.

2. Recognize that fear is the base for most self-confidence issues for athletes. Fear of failure; fear of disappointing parents, teammates, coaches and self; fear of being embarrassed (particularly for girls); fear of the unknown.

3. The kids I train like this acronym: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. Most young athlete engage in distorted thinking predicated on false evidence. Often they belief they cannot do something because their friend can't or simply because they haven't done it before. As a parent it is your job to challenge their beliefs about themselves and their game to get their thinking right. This alone will greatly diminish their fear.

4. Have a short memory. Like professionals your athlete needs to accept that mistakes and poor execution are part of the game; that these mistakes offer great opportunities to learn and get better in their sport. No athlete who ever played any game has been perfect 100% of the time. Having a short memory insures your athlete can get their focus back to the present moment, where peak performance lives.

5. Recognize that mastery of their sport is a journey not a destination. In other words your athlete won't just wake up one day and be a master of their sport; it takes time. Mastery is a process that looks like taking a step backwards some days. Patience is a requirement for building self-confidence.

6. Lighten the burden of expectations. Our kids today are under unprecedented pressure to excel in both school and on the athletic field. In addition to external expectations from parents, coaches and peers, your athlete may also have exceptionally high self-expectations for their performance. I see it every weekend. Setting the personal bar at a high level is admirable, but too high may be unrealistic and damaging to self-confidence when game results can rarely match expectations. In short, excessive expectations are a performance and confidence killer. 

6. Visualize Success. In my Game Changer Program I offer a detailed audio lesson on visualization or mental imagery. Your athlete can literally see their success in advance by utilizing these visualization techniques. By using all of their senses they can trick their subconscious mind into believing the performance they see in their head is real, so that on game day the mind and body perform anxiety free and with great precision. This mental "trick," used by elite athletes worldwide, can skyrocket self-confidence.

7. Have a positive mindset. With distorted thinking comes doubt. If your athlete's thoughts are negative they are limiting success. Negative, or "can't do" thinking will never grow confidence. Have your athlete develop positive trigger statements that can be used on game day as well as overall positive "can do" self talk during the course of the day. Re-boot the mental hard drive with a positive mindset.

8. Remember previous success. Often times a young athlete gets negative and engages in catastrophe thinking, when they expect the worst. By remembering a prior success they have had in their sport the chain of negative thinking that leads to a drop in confidence can be broken. Expecting success instead of failure is the goal and it starts with replacing the failure thinking with success thinking...including a belief that I can execute the task successfully because I have executed it successfully before.

9. Unconditional parental support. A fundamental foundation for any athlete's sustained self-confidence is their parents' unconditional support of them on and off the athletic field. Parents, while well meaning, can be the worst offenders to their own child's self-confidence. Being critical or judgmental of game performances is counter productive. All kids, by definition, want to please their parents and desperately want their acceptance. Understand that your athlete will never be perfect, so celebrate their effort more than their results and you will do wonders to build your athlete's level of confidence. Remember...it's only a game!

10. Build confidence by design. The goal of this 10 point blueprint is to change the way your athlete thinks; to start the process of building rock solid self-confidence one brick at a time. The starting place is always addressing the negative and fearful thoughts that bombard their head on game day, and particularly at the key moments of the game. Have a conversation with your athlete about all of these blueprint points as well as have them write down their own thoughts and feelings in their sports journal as a process of elevating their thoughts about themselves and their game.

Lack of self-confidence can be a very dangerous thing for your athlete. So many kids define themselves as individuals based on their athletic performance, particularly as adolescents. Low self-confidence can lead to low self-esteem and low self-image which can cascade into poor academic performance and poor social choices. Work with your athlete to build their self-confidence slowly but surely. The long term benefits will be well worth the time and effort.

Check out my new Sports Confidence Blueprint program, designed to skyrocket your athlete's game day confidence with dozens of proven strategies!

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Parents Beware: The "60 Minute Rule" for Her Success

I give weekly mental skills team training to a travel softball organization with eight teams from
12u to 18u and each week I'm always curious to see the response I will get from each team on the various topics I cover. This week my overall topic was on Having a Plan. In other words preparing for success. I talked about having a "pre-game" plan, an "in-game" plan and a "post-game" plan.

Far and away the subject I received the most reaction from the over 100 girls I train is what I term "The 60 Minute Rule."  Now, in advance, I warn you to dismiss or ignore this rule at your and your athlete's own risk. Breaking this rule can drive a wedge between you and your athlete as well as negatively affect her game performance.

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So, without further delay...let me disclose The 60 Minute Rule.

The 60 Minute Rule requires that as parents you refrain from speaking to you athlete about her game or games for at least 60 minutes after the game(s). As a softball parent myself I know how much you can't wait to dissect, evaluate, analyze, critique or judge your athlete's performance and that of her team. Some of you reading this are nothing but positive with your athlete and that is great. However more of you are likely coaches, ex-coaches, ex-athletes who may mean well...but still come off as negative to your athlete. In either case I suggest you follow The 60 Minute Rule.

Here are the problems in violating The 60 Minute Rule:

• Your athlete needs time to decompress and self-evaluate her game performance on her own first. She needs to recognize what she did well and what she needs to work on to get better. 
• Your athlete likely learned more about the game and herself during the day. Give her the time to figure that out and whatever lessons she did learn that day.
• Should you begin to critique (what you call it; she calls it "criticizing") your athlete's performance immediately after the game or on the ride home her mistakes will become magnified in her head and you will force her to focus on those failings (and feelings they bring) versus what she learned in the process that day. Self-confidence is a fleeting thing, so be careful about driving it away with unnecessary comments and judgments.
• Should you persist at violating The 60 Minute Rule your athlete may come to resent both you and the game. As I did to my own daughter I guarantee your repeated criticism, no matter how well intended it is, will start to suck the joy out of the game for your athlete.
• In reality your critique might be positive and helpful, however if your athlete is anything like mine how she hears the message may be very different from how you intend it!
• Please don't expect perfection from your athlete or her team. This game is hard enough as it is without having to perform under the burden of unrealistic parental expectations.

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If you absolutely have to address the game with your athlete within the 60 minute window ask her only these questions:

• Did you have fun playing?
• What did you learn today?
• What was your favorite moment of the game(s)?

Now the caveat to The 60 Minute Rule is whether your athlete wants to talk about the game? If she brings it up, or you have a very naturally talkative and happy kid, great! Just practice being a good listener first.

One of the many joys of youth sports is how short a memory kids have about their games. Within hours or certainly by the next day (depending on age and personality) most kids will have entirely forgotten about a good or bad game. As adults maybe we can learn something from our kids, for it is the parents and coaches who carry a tough game with them for hours or days. I know as a coach it is hard to sleep after tough losses, yet my daughter will sleep like a baby...win or lose.

Your critique of your athlete's game may take her away from that child like innocence that is natural and healthy for her to experience. Allow her to be a kid playing a game. Remember...sports should be fun first!

**As an incentive to be sure you follow The 60 Minute Rule set up a contest or wager with your athlete. I'm betting that she will be absolutely sure that you won't be able to stay quiet for an hour after her games! So make it fun for her and you. I know that I had to pay my daughter several dollars each weekend for my critiques of her game!

More importantly have a conversation with your athlete and find out how she really feels about your post game comments to her. You will very likely be surprised by her comments. As long as she knows you mean the best for her and you know how your comments impact her you should be fine. Remember any action you take to criticize her may ultimately cause the opposite reaction of what you desire for her. Young athletes today are acutely aware of their performance and any added pressure from you will trigger the Law of Diminishing Returns.

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Focusing On Her Results is a Recipe for Disaster

Let’s face it, we live in a world today that is OBSESSED and consumed by RESULTS.  Never before in human history have our results been so micro-focused on and made so public so quickly.  With cell phone cameras, mobile Internet access, You Tube, Facebook, Twitter and other rapidly emerging technologies people’s actions are recorded, publicized and robustly judged within a matter of mere minutes of an event…worldwide.  WOW, talk about pressure!  

If you are a fastpitch softball player at the high school or travel level it is likely that your coach reports game statistics on MaxPreps.com or Game Changer, so the whole world can see your individual RESULTS, even college coaches. Softball, like baseball, has become a game driven by obscure statistics measuring things like On Base %, WHIP (walks + hits/inning pitched), RISP Average, Strikeout to Walk Ratio, Fielding %, ERA, Slugging %, Quality AB Ratio, and a few dozen more obscure ones.

Over and above the keeping of statistics in fastpitch softball is the moment by moment scrutiny of players’ performances by their coaches and parents. Fastpitch softball is a game of individual battles within the team game. As a result each player will be judged on her individual performance over and above whatever her team does that day. As we cover elsewhere in this book, a fastpitch softball player may have 6-10 plays per game that she will be judged on as good or bad, as a success or failure (more if your athlete is a pitcher). A coach, parent or player will absolutely keep score of the performance that day guaranteed.  

With this much scrutiny and pressure the KEY for your athlete’s developing a healthy and successful approach to playing the game of softball is in SHIFTING of her focus AWAY from the RESULTS or outcomes of her performance and, rather, focus on the PROCESS or effort involved in the event or action.  This is perhaps the single most important factor in producing confident, successful, happy athletes.  

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LET ME REPEAT THAT…focusing on an athlete’s RESULTS only is not only a bad idea, it’s a confidence killer that will do more to harm an athlete’s potential to become a consistent, peak performer and her love for the game that any other single factor!

That being said, as a player, coach or parent, how do you make the shift away from results thinking to process thinking and why?

Here’s the why: it is super important for an athlete to recognize the factors she has control over and those factors she does not have ANY control over.

As you can see the player, coaches and parents could view the athlete’s effort as a failure or as a success.  If the athlete views it as a failure a “negative” file is stored away in her brain for future use.  However, if the athlete perceives the effort as a success a “positive” file is stored away in her brain for future use.  Which one do you think will do more good to insure success in her future at bats, and which one may cause to sabotage your athlete’s future efforts? An athlete has total control of the effort she puts into her training and preparation for a game.  And because fastpitch softball is a game of ultra specific skills and mechanics within those skills it is the execution of these skills or PROCESSES that the athlete should be concerned with, not necessarily the results or outcome those processes produce.

Why? Because an athlete has 100% CONTROL over the process and tasks necessary to get better as a player. Putting the focus on the process allows the athlete to use a game situation as an indicator or litmus test of how her skills process is progressing. It also allows her to frame each game as an opportunity to learn how to execute her skills (tasks) better.

In short get your athlete (and yourself) to focus on her effort, her attitude and her mental focus…the factors she absolutely has control over, and let go of the rest! Neither you nor her can control the results so why focus on them? I guarantee you that she will get results commensurate with her effort, attitude and focus.

(This post is an excerpt from John Kelly's new book, How She Thinks is How She Plays. Read more about this "must read" book HERE.)

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The Perils of Coaching Your Daughter

For those of you who dare to coach your own kid(s) in whatever sport they play or played know that coaching your own child is the greatest joy yet most treacherous journey any parent can take. I liken it to walking on a narrow path on a cliff high above the ocean. The views are spectacular but one false step and boom...down the cliff you tumble! 

Perhaps I am being over dramatic but the dynamics between the parent/coach and child is usually both a blessing and a curse (particularly with daddy-daughter), but it doesn't have to be if you follow these steps:

1. Treat Her Like Every Other Player - Meaning don't expect more from her and be harsher in your assessment of her performance, or be easier on her because she's your daughter. Her teammates are watching how you treat her (as are the other parents)...believe me! Your daughter is likely self-conscious that her mom or dad is the coach, so be careful to treat her like the rest of the players. Don't favor her in the lineup unless she deserves it. It took me about 7 years to figure this one out. 

2. Remember Why You Coach - As a single parent the time I spent coaching my daughter over eight years was always a privilege and an opportunity to share my passion with her while watching her play the game I love up close. As a parent it was so cool to watch her successes from the bucket (when she pitched) or in the 3rd base coaches box (when she hit). Years later your daughter, hopefully, will remember and be proud that her dad or mom volunteered to be her coach and that she learned many life lessons from "her coach."

My darling daughter and I in '09

3. Leave It at the Field - The minute you walk off the diamond with your daughter you need to turn back into mom or dad. The 24/7 coach as dad or mom can cause friction in the relationship with your daughter so beware. Enjoy being her coach for every minute you are on the field with her, but enjoy even more being her parent when the practice or game is over.

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4. Communicate - Too often when I coached my daughter I made a few poorly timed comments during the game that upset her, causing us to to be silent in the car on the way home. Please don't let that be you. Know that your verbal and non-verbal communications deeply affect your daughter. If she is younger she may not know how to cope with her feelings of sadness or anger with you (as all kids desperately want to please their parents). If she is older she'll just be pissed off at you! Make it a point to communicate with one another; explain the coach-daughter dynamic with her and encourage her to let you know when you cross the line. If you messed up, apologize to her. I was one of the worst offenders ever and once my daughter starting call me on my actions our relationship as coach and daughter improved dramatically! The bottom line is for her to enjoy the game.

5. Employ "Big Picture" Thinking - The chances are you will not be coach your daughter forever, so please don't do anything to spoil the game for her. I see countless parents at the travel level who simply can't let go once they stop coaching. They continue to coach their daughters from behind the backstop or dugout. They are always lurking somewhere, second guessing her coach and poisoning the well with the other parents. Please don't let that be you. I know first hand how difficult it is to be on the other side of the fence watching someone else coach my daughter. At first I felt like a caged lion as I paced back and forth during each game. Finally I realized that it was a positive for her to have someone other than me coach her, for better or for worse. In truth my daughter enjoyed the game more once I stopped coaching her.

6. Have Fun - As always your role as coach will be what you make of it. If you expect perfection from 12 year olds, including your daughter, you will be in a state of perpetual frustration as a coach. Remember, no matter what age your daughter is...she is likely not going to play the game the same way you did, and may not make the same decisions you would on the field. Allow her to make mistakes so that she can learn from them. Encourage her and smile often, for all too soon these special days of coaching your daughter will be gone. Do all you can to make the memories for her and you great ones.

Now on the positive side the coach's daughter usually learns to understand the game better from being around "the coach" all the time. Most coaches daughters tend to be students of the game and their game reflects that.

The experience you can have coaching your child can be an outrageously positive and successful one, bringing you two closer together. However, on the flip side it can be a source of constant aggravation and frustration for both of you, damaging the relationship in the process. Following these five steps will help your outcome to be a more positive one.

As you walk the slippery slope of coaching your daughter always make decisions that put the team first. Your daughter will feel more comfortable and likely perform better if mom or dad just looks like "coach." The best evidence of this is when parents or coaches from the other team have no clue who the coach's daughter is!

The foundation for every athlete's success is confidence, isn't it? I've created a surefire way for your athlete to both and maintain "rock solid" sports confidence, with tools that will allow her to overcome any softball adversity and play her best when it matters most. It's called The Sports Confidence Blueprint Program. Check it out!

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How to Win the Tryout Game

This past weekend our travel organization held tryouts for our 12u, 14u and 16u spring 2012 teams. We had about 120 girls come out over two days hoping to make one of the six teams. The competition was pretty stiff and in choosing the teams last night we had to make some really tough decisions, including cutting some girls already in the organization.

As is always the case in a tryout scenario many girls are nervous and don't perform their best with the many coaches, peers and parents watching their every move. As coaches, unless we watched them play on another team or got a good report from a reliable source, all we have to go on is their tryout effort.

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As I observed these many young athletes I could instantly tell who was anxious. They would hurry their approach to the ball or the throw, and would have timing issues hitting off the machine. I could just see in many of the girls' eyes and body language how disappointed they were in their performances.

Now ours is one of the best organizations in southern California and it takes being a pretty good player to join us. However, I can't help but wonder if nerves cost several of these girls a shot with us.

Whether your athlete is trying out over the next few weeks or not until spring here are some tips to get her ready to play her best when it counts most:

1. Relax - this may sound easy, but in many ways tryouts are more stressful than games; particularly if it's for a team your athlete really wants to play for. Taking occasional deep breathes can help tremendously. Try to keep the conversation light on the drive to tryouts; do not set excessive expectations on your athlete as this will only serve to increase her anxiety and reduce her performance.

2. Monitor Her Thinking - it all starts between the ears. If she can focus on positive thoughts the moment she wakes up in the morning on tryout day, and maintain those thoughts all day long she will reduce her stress level. If she can recall a particular success or successes she has had on the field in the past she will increase her confidence level. If she thinks she "can" she will be more relaxed, allowing for a higher level of concentration and focus.

3. Expect Success - like #4 below if she expects herself to do well it will likely show in her body language and her performance. Expecting success is the result of self-confidence...which is the result of thinking right. If she tells herself she's gonna kill it at tryouts and can take the time to visualize her tryout performance, in advance, in as much detail as possible (using all her senses) her chances for success will skyrocket! If she works hard at the game she is entitled to success!

4. Look & Act Confident - one of the things coaches look for during tryouts is attitude and effort. A player who looks confident, is diving all over the field and just demonstrates a swagger of success gets our attention. If she looks like she belongs we will see her that way. Be verbal with the coaches and other girls...make us notice you...STAND OUT! Every coach wants to add a "difference maker" to the team. Show us leadership skills as well as athletic skills.

5. Have Fun - No matter what the competition level have fun! Playing the great game of fastpitch should first and foremost be a joy. Do your best, expect success and let it do what it's gonna do. In a tryout situation the player never knows what is going on behind the scenes; which positions the coaches are most interested in, if they need speed or power or defense. Therefore as a player take care of the factors you absolutely have control over: your effort, your attitude and your mental focus.

The bottom line is that a relaxed, confident and focused athlete will perform her best more often than not. Do your best to work with your athlete on her "tryout plan" to insure she brings her "A" game. Coaches love to see how an athlete performs under pressure and tryouts are a great opportunity to gauge that.

Nothing is sadder than a young athlete performing below her potential at a tryout. It's usually a one shot deal (like a job interview), so work diligently with her to prepare herself mentally for the big day. Just remember...this is a journey. If she doesn't do well at the tryout look at it as a learning experience for her. There is always tomorrow (sounds like a good theme for a song)!

 Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.

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How to Build Rock Solid Self-Confidence

It's no secret that a self-confident player performs better on the softball field. In general a self-confident person is far more effective performing any activity. For a young person, however, the task of building rock solid self-confidence can be a challenge and a frustration, particularly when it comes to fastpitch softball.

Softball is a game built on failure and adversity where self-confidence is like the chicken and the egg analogy; what comes first self-confidence or success? Certainly once an athlete possesses a solid foundation of self-confidence while playing the game consistent success is more likely to follow. However, without a track record of success self-confidence can be extremely difficult to attain.

As a coach and softball parent it is most frustrating to see self-confidence come and go in young athletes like a mirage in the desert. In this game success can be fleeting in the face of the inevitable kicks in the stomach the game is guaranteed to administer to your athlete.

So how can your athlete develop and maintain a high level of self-confidence that will act like a shield against the game's adversity and allow her to become a consistent peak performer?

1. Change Her Beliefs: What does she believe about herself and softball? Her beliefs will determine her level of success. Does she believe she is a good hitter or not? Does she believe others are better and more worthy of success than she is? Does she believe she's not fast enough, or strong enough, or quick enough to succeed? If a pitcher does she believe she doesn't throw hard enough to succeed? These limiting beliefs will rear their ugly head after adversity and failure hit, reinforcing her distorted beliefs and leading to more failure.

2. Change Her Perceptions: How does she perceive the game and her results? Is she effort driven or results driven? Does she judge her performance harshly? Does she expect to be perfect? Does she spiral downward emotionally after one mistake? Distorted perceptions of performance will kill future performance. If she recognizes that adversity is part of the game and can frame every mistake as a learning opportunity to get better she will free herself from self-judgment and begin the process of greater building self-confidence.

3. Change Her Thoughts: Her thoughts are a direct result of her beliefs. She has over 50,000 unique thoughts each and every day. Does she tell herself she can or she can't? Distorted thinking can lead to fear, anxiety, frustration, anger and sadness. Self-confident thoughts are empowering and energizing while un-confident thoughts are destructive and energy draining. Building rock solid self-confidence happens one day at a time like building a brick wall. If she can re-align her beliefs and begin engaging in "can do" thinking her self-confidence will slowly but surely grow strong.

4. Change Her Actions: Once her beliefs and thoughts are properly aligned with her goals of success in the game she now needs to demonstrate her self-confidence on the field, at practice and games. A self-confident player looks the part with positive body language, positive self-talk, running on and off the field and to and from the batter's box. Self-confidence is definitely a state of mind, but it must ultimately translate to successful actions on the field.

Ultimately building rock solid self-confidence starts and is maintained by proper thinking. Beliefs and perceptions must be questioned for their accuracy or distortion. Right thinking then will lead to a more relaxed approach for your athlete, yielding far better results. You see, a relaxed and calm athlete is a self-confident athlete. A relaxed athlete can exert 100% mental focus because she does not have negative and fearful thoughts bombarding her head.

As one success leads to another your athlete will steadily build her self-confidence. That combined with continuous mental skills training will keep her confidence rock solid --able to withstand even the toughest on the field adversities. Remember, mental toughness is a choice.

Self-confidence isn't a switch your athlete flips on like the light in her bedroom but rather a process that takes time and concerted effort to develop and maintain. With proper thinking she can become the best she can be and love playing the game!

Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.


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