Showing posts with label parent's role. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parent's role. Show all posts

Friday

Tony Gwynn's Message to Fastpitch Players

I met the recently departed Hall of Famer Tony Gywnn for the first time on the field in our college days when he doubled off of me into the left centerfield gap merely days removed from the conclusion of his basketball season at San Diego State.

I met Tony off the field decades later at a charity function, when he chuckled with that infectious laugh of his upon hearing my recount of his success hitting off of me, then reassuring me that I wasn't the only pitcher he did that too in his career!

Tony Gwynn was the epitome of consistency; a "pros pro" who never took his success for granted. Gwynn was, in fact, one of the last of a breed of ballplayers (along with fellow HOF inductee Cal Ripken, Jr.) whose Herculean work ethic and drive to better themselves pushed them to the limits of their God given talents, while serving as sterling role models to all who observed their relentless pursuit for perfection in a game built on failure.

Gwynn pioneered the use of video, endlessly studying his at bats after every game looking for the smallest flaw he could correct with more work. Gwynn was also known to be at the ballpark by noon for a 7 pm game, again working on perfecting his craft with countless swings in the cage and off the tee.

In his obit to the now "late" Tony Gwynn, "In a .338 Lifetime Average, Every Day Counts," the New York Times Tyler Kepner writes:

"In 1994, while on his way to the fifth of his eight National League batting crowns Gwynn spoke passionately about the attitude of the modern player. 

"They just feel like stuff is supposed to happen to them," he said. "They're not going to have to work for it. And that bugs me because I know how hard I had to work to get where I got. Sometimes they sit there in amazement at why I come out (so early) every day. But I cannot let their way of thinking into my head."

Unfortunately in 2014 I see the same thing in fastpitch softball Tony saw twenty years ago in baseball; a lackluster work ethic and a growing entitlement mentality where "getting better" often means doing the bare minimum despite an increasingly ultra-competitive softball landscape, all in the quest for college scholarships.

I have had several college coaches tell me the same: that their job description does not include baby sitting or having to deal with the endless drama and emotion that many "thin-skinned" athletes bring with them to college.

I'm confident that if Tony Gwynn were to speak to your athlete or team, as I'm sure he did often to his San Diego State baseball teams, he would say the following:

  1. Challenge and push yourself to be better. You'll never know how good you can be unless you try.
  2. Have pride in your game. Take your weaknesses and work tirelessly to transform them into strengths because, as a competitor, you care deeply about how the quality of your play.
  3. Focus on the little things. Look for ways to get better by becoming a relentless "student of the game."
  4. Don't let the team or your friends dictate your effort or performance level. Be a leader and set the example; raise the bar of excellence for yourself and others.
  5. Never let anyone tell you "you can't" achieve any level or goal you set for yourself. In the end it's "you versus you." GO FOR IT!
When Tony Gwynn began his professional career his outfield skills were below average. But as with his hitting Gwynn worked his tail off to improve his arm strength, his footwork, and developed a quicker release on his throws. The end result of all his hard work...five Gold Gloves to go along with his eight batting titles, fifteen All Star appearances, two trips to the World Series and immortality in Cooperstown.

Closer to home the summer after my high school graduation, prior to commencing my college baseball career, I spent an hour every day taking a hundred swings in the local batting cage, working on hitting the ball up the middle and to the opposite field. My thinking was I would see better pitching in college and trying to pull everything and hit home runs against mostly mediocre high school pitching wasn't going to fly at the D1 college level. Turns out I was right and all that hard work paid off for me in college.

As summer is upon us your athlete and team has no excuse not to work hard and smart to improve their game. Like I always say, "How good do you want to be?"

Like Tony Gwynn, develop an expectancy for success and build that rock solid sports confidence that only comes as the result of countless hours of quality preparation through a work ethic forged from desire, dedication, determination and passion.

Tony Gwynn both expected and achieved monumental success in his 20 year Major League career. He did it the hard way, through relentless effort. It's the only way he and Cal Ripken, Jr. knew how to play the game.

Plant these seeds in your athlete and team as greatness is always available to the player and team willing to go after it and do whatever it takes to be their absolute best!


The Attitude of Gratitude

Being grateful means being appreciative, and to appreciate means to value or admire something or someone highly. Another great definition from Merriam-Webster for "appreciate" is: to judge with heightened perception or understanding; to be fully aware of.

I bring these definitions to your attention this Thanksgiving weekend in an effort to heighten you and your athlete's awareness, perception and appreciation for the gift of softball and youth sports in general.

Let's get down to specifics with The Attitude of Gratitude:

Players - Recognize and be aware of just what a privilege it is to play your sport. No matter  what team you play on your coaches chose YOU to be on it. They believe in your ability, so respect and honor your coaches and teammates by giving 110% effort all the time and bringing the Attitude of Gratitude to every practice and game. Get excited about being on your team and appreciate every minute of it. Your energy of gratitude can inspire you and your team to do great things!

Increase your athlete's gratitude and performance here!

As well you should express deep gratitude and appreciation to your parents and other family members who support you in playing your support and sacrifice both valuable time and money for you to participate and improve through private lessons, traveling tournaments, clinics, top equipment, etc.

And although it may be hard to grasp in this generation but a generation ago young female athletes did not possess the opportunities to play the game as you do today. Honor those opportunities and those players who went before you to pioneer the game paving the way for the great opportunities you have today.

Remember that effort and attitude are always a choice. That you can be as good in this game as you want to be and are prepared to work for. Being grateful for the opportunity means not squandering it. If you have goals to play your sport in college find that burning desire to be your best and go for it!

Parents - For parents the Attitude of Gratitude looks like appreciating coaches for the hard work and commitment they make to your athlete's development (no, you don't need to like or agree with all their coaching decisions, but you can still be grateful and respect their time, energy and commitment). Appreciate your athlete and their team for the effort they put into mastering a very difficult sport. This means don't expect perfection; allow them time to learn by making the inevitable mistakes and adversity the game will throw at them. Focus on the process or getting better rather than solely on the results.

Enjoy FREE Audio Lesson from the
 


Appreciate your spouse, your family and yourself for their (and your) sacrifices made that enable your athlete to pursue her dream. Being a sports parent today can be stressful, especially if you have more than one child pursuing their athletic dream! Employ "big picture" thinking.

Be grateful for all the wonderful life lessons your athlete is learning through her sports experiences...win or lose. As in life we tend to learn more in the midst of failure and adversity than constant smooth sailing, so allow your athlete to fail and know that inside she is learning and growing greatly from it. These life lessons she will carry her entire life and will (and likely already) make her a better, more disciplined, more resilient person able to handle the many challenges life will throw at her as an adult.

Also in your grateful bliss commit to honoring the game which means supporting your athlete's team 100%. Nothing is worse and more detrimental to a team's success than parents talking poorly about players, team or coaches to other parents or within earshot of players. This divisiveness creates negative energy among parents and team that can only hurt your athlete. Also support and appreciate the opposing team for without them there would be no game. Despite wearing a different uniform, as adults, we should wish success for all these young athletes. Recognize that they are all working hard to achieve their athletic dreams too.

Finally as part of having an Attitude of Gratitude please respect and appreciate the umpires and officials each and every game. As with the coaches you may not agree with all their calls (I know I usually don't!), but you can still show respect and recognition that he or she is doing the very best they can to get each call right. I can assure you, having spoken to hundreds of umpires and officials over the years, that they take their jobs very seriously. Most of them sat where you did years before watching their own kids play sports. As such they respect the athletes and want to be a positive force on the field. Your verbally ridiculing an umpire only serves to disrespect the game and undermine your athlete and her team.

So on this relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, while you and your athlete are likely taking a short break from the game remember the Attitude of Gratitude. I'm confident that if you and your athlete keep the points I have written here in mind you will both enjoy the game more and you might even enjoy writing those sports related checks a little more (okay...that might be a reach!).

**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $49...full of a ton of mental performance resources!


Monday

Why Does Your Athlete Play the Game?

Why does your athlete play the game?

Seems like a simple question, doesn't it? And yet my guess is that few teenaged athletes ever ask themselves that question today, yet they sweat and toil 10-12 months each year to master their sport with hopes of glory.

It all starts with an honest assessment of your athlete's motivation and desire  for playing their game. For without the proper motivation your athlete will not possess the burning desire necessary to do what it takes to elevate their game so he or she can dominate on game day and stand out from the crowd.

Your athlete's sport is likely a difficult game that will only get more competitive the older he or she gets.

As a coach it baffles me when kids have been taught to do something a certain way in practice again and again, yet come game day they completely forget how to do it. How can that be?

I have come to the realization that it all comes down to an athlete's motivation and desire. How bad do they want the success they work so hard for?

Need to start investing in her mental game? Start here.

Today's adolescent athlete is different than I and my peers were a few decades ago. Our motivation for playing was all ours, it was pure, and we worked our butts off to be the very best because we had a burning desire to succeed, to play in college or the pros. We didn't know any other way.

Girls Softball All Star GameToday's athlete needs to find out why he or she plays the game, hopefully for more than just pleasing mom or dad, and it all starts with determining, specifically, what motivates them.

So let's start with understanding a little about motivation. There are two types of motivation:

Intrinsic Motivation - a personal interest or enjoyment in performing an activity or task (internal).

Extrinsic Motivation - the performance of an activity for the sake of attaining a specific result or incentive (external).  

If your athlete loves the game and would play it 24/7 if they could he or she has sufficient "intrinsic" motivation to be great.

Enjoy Free Audio Lessons from the  
Sports Confidence Blueprint program below!


If your athlete doesn't really love the game he or she needs to attach their daily sports effort to specific "extrinsic" motivations, whether it's an iPhone, professional contract or just the drive to be the best.

I used the example in my team training of "what if your parent offered you a new iPhone if you got an "A" in Geometry? Would that motivate you to get an "A" in the class?"

Most all of the 35 teenaged softball players I was speaking to agreed that a new iPhone was sufficient motivation to work hard to get the "A."

The great connector between motivation and achievement are goals. Goals quantify the desired outcome or incentive and create a specific calculable process for their attainment.

Without clearly defined intrinsic or extrinsic motivations and a clearly defined path to get there (goals) your athlete will not possess the desire and overall blueprint to get where he or she wants to go with their sport.  

On those long, hot, exhausting days when your athlete wonders if it's all worth it remind them of their goals, the incentives and rewards they decided they wanted out of playing the game. 

Their constant connection as to why they play the game will serve to get them through the toughest of times and propel them forward to truly being the very best they can be. 

My suggestion is to take the time to sit down and have a discussion about motivation, desire and goals with your athlete and get them laser focused on why they play the game.

It might just make all the difference in the world!

Thanks for reading!


**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $49...full of a ton of mental performance resources!


Be sure to subscribe to me free weekly Softball Smarts Tips where I share fresh insights, strategies and tips on how to catapult your athlete's game one thought at a time!



Why Your Athlete Really Fails on Game Day

In sports there is a super fine line between success and failure on game day. In a long tournament weekend sometimes that line becomes blurred and as parents or coaches we struggle with why our athlete and team don't play consistently and seem to reach such highs one week then such lows the next.

From a recent experience with my own team I believe I have discovered why so many elite, or travel level athletes and teams fail to achieve their true potential on game day.

If you study, as I do, athletic competition at every level you will find that an athlete's or team's "mentality" before, during and after the game is the X Factor that determines winners and losers.  From professional to elite Olympic, amateur and college athletes alike how you think is truly how you will play. With most teams and athletes at the highest levels of competition being fairly equal in ability it becomes the mental preparation and mental response to game day adversity that becomes the deciding factor.

Start getting a better return on your softball investment today!

However, I have discovered for younger athletes the dynamics on the mental side of game day success are far more complex and far more troubling.

Keep in mind that my assessment is a generalization; that your athlete or team may not suffer from these dynamics. I do, however, highly encourage you to look honestly at your athlete and team to see if you can chalk up game day failure to what I'm about to say:

1. We place our kids in a highly competitive sports environment where the bar for achievement and game day performance is high. They may really want to do this or just follow along because friends do it or parent say to do it, or that's just what everybody does.

Poor baby...only went 3 for 4?
2. We invest $100s or $1,000s into our athlete's game in an effort to keep up with the other kids and, presumably, give our athlete the best possible chance to succeed and play at the next level.

3. We tell them where to play, when to play, and how to play.

4. We drive them to kingdom come and game for practice, games, private lessons.

5. We drag the entire family to far flung places for games, packing coolers with goodies for our athletes between games and the reward of  "drive thru" on the way home.

6. During games we cheer loudly and after games either soothe our athlete's tender egos and feelings or quickly critique and criticize their efforts because we have a right to expect a perfect performance for the money and time we're investing.

7. Because of skyrocketed expectations from parents, coaches, peers and self the athletes are easily impacted emotionally when game day adversity hits...with heads down, tears and diminished attitude and effort.

In short the younger athlete has become a "robot," incapable of making decisions; incapable of producing the fire in the belly necessary to see adversity as opportunity; quick to pout and emote after adversity. 

Instead parents coddle these athletes, leading to mental softness instead of mental toughness. Some bizarre form of ADD takes root in these athletes as they appear to listen intently at practice, yet are incapable of applying what they have been taught on game day...making the same mental mistakes over and over again.

To the modern youth athlete as long as things are going well on game day they smile and play close to their potential. But at the slightest mistake or criticism from coach or parent they crumble emotionally, are quick to make excuses, or just finish out the game in a mental tailspin.

In my opinion many of these kids are cursed with an entitlement mentality, unaware or unwilling to do what it takes physically and mentally to be the best; to see competition as a challenge.

As a parent or coach my suggestion is to sit your athlete(s) down and clarify their motivation and desire for playing the game. Why do they play the game? What do you and them hope to get out of their playing the game at such a competitive level? Do they enjoy playing? Do they enjoy the competition, the challenge? Do they love the game?

To me, the bottom line is how bad your athlete and their team wants success. As I often say success is not an accident; it is an orchestrated effort of clearly defined physical and mental preparation. But more than that it is a burning desire to succeed, to play your best, to meet the challenge that playing sports at an ultra competitive level offers.

As former UCLA softball Head Coach, and winner of 11 National Championships, Sue Enquist told me, "The team that stops competing first will lose." It's just that simple. Unfortunately today many kids and their teams never start competing on game day! They go through the motions...robotic.

Playing youth sports at the highest levels has never been more competitive. It requires no less than everything a young athlete has to give both physically and mentally. I didn't make the rules...that's just how it is today.

Remember, mental toughness, effort and attitude are always a choice. As such game day success is also choice; but so is game day failure.

If your athlete is a robot maybe it's time to pull the plug and see if there truly is any fire in their belly to play the game at this level. If not, maybe chess is the answer?

Let me know what you think?

Boost game day performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint Program. (Now 40% OFF!)




Wednesday

The 10 Point Blueprint to Sports Confidence

Of all the topics I write about, speak about and train on self-confidence is consistently at the top of the list for parents, coaches and players...and for good reason. Without a high and consistent level of self-confidence your athlete will stand little chance of becoming a consistent peak performer on the field.

Self-confidence is the mental trigger mechanism that drives performance. Unfortunately for a young athlete self-confidence can be as fleeting as sand through their fingers, and a frustrating mystery for both parents and coaches.

It's a given that all athletes want to perform their best every time they step on the field. However, optimal performance is a result of both physical and mental skills mastery; one without the other will create a disconnect that will show up in key game situations when an athlete's success or failure will hinge on their "crunch time" performance.

Fortunately there is a blueprint to gaining peak self confidence, the ingredients of which are found in the complex set of variables that either serve to propel and empower confidence or sabotage and destroy confidence. The path this blueprint lays out is easy to understand, yet hard to master. Peak self-confidence comes with time and conscious effort by both player and parent. It requires being honest about the current state of the athlete's level of self-confidence and why it is where it is.

Here is the 10 point blueprint your athlete MUST follow in order to cultivate and maintain peak confidence that will, in turn, yield consistent peak performance on game day:

1. Acknowledge their current state of confidence, fear and anxiety. In other words for parent and athlete don't pretend the problem isn't there. With self-confidence issues your athlete can't just tough it out and work through it.

2. Recognize that fear is the base for most self-confidence issues for athletes. Fear of failure; fear of disappointing parents, teammates, coaches and self; fear of being embarrassed (particularly for girls); fear of the unknown.


3. The kids I train like this acronym: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. Most young athlete engage in distorted thinking predicated on false evidence. Often they belief they cannot do something because their friend can't or simply because they haven't done it before. As a parent it is your job to challenge their beliefs about themselves and their game to get their thinking right. This alone will greatly diminish their fear.

4. Have a short memory. Like professionals your athlete needs to accept that mistakes and poor execution are part of the game; that these mistakes offer great opportunities to learn and get better in their sport. No athlete who ever played any game has been perfect 100% of the time. Having a short memory insures your athlete can get their focus back to the present moment, where peak performance lives.

5. Recognize that mastery of their sport is a journey not a destination. In other words your athlete won't just wake up one day and be a master of their sport; it takes time. Mastery is a process that looks like taking a step backwards some days. Patience is a requirement for building self-confidence.

6. Lighten the burden of expectations. Our kids today are under unprecedented pressure to excel in both school and on the athletic field. In addition to external expectations from parents, coaches and peers, your athlete may also have exceptionally high self-expectations for their performance. I see it every weekend. Setting the personal bar at a high level is admirable, but too high may be unrealistic and damaging to self-confidence when game results can rarely match expectations. In short, excessive expectations are a performance and confidence killer. 

6. Visualize Success. In my Game Changer Program I offer a detailed audio lesson on visualization or mental imagery. Your athlete can literally see their success in advance by utilizing these visualization techniques. By using all of their senses they can trick their subconscious mind into believing the performance they see in their head is real, so that on game day the mind and body perform anxiety free and with great precision. This mental "trick," used by elite athletes worldwide, can skyrocket self-confidence.

7. Have a positive mindset. With distorted thinking comes doubt. If your athlete's thoughts are negative they are limiting success. Negative, or "can't do" thinking will never grow confidence. Have your athlete develop positive trigger statements that can be used on game day as well as overall positive "can do" self talk during the course of the day. Re-boot the mental hard drive with a positive mindset.

8. Remember previous success. Often times a young athlete gets negative and engages in catastrophe thinking, when they expect the worst. By remembering a prior success they have had in their sport the chain of negative thinking that leads to a drop in confidence can be broken. Expecting success instead of failure is the goal and it starts with replacing the failure thinking with success thinking...including a belief that I can execute the task successfully because I have executed it successfully before.

9. Unconditional parental support. A fundamental foundation for any athlete's sustained self-confidence is their parents' unconditional support of them on and off the athletic field. Parents, while well meaning, can be the worst offenders to their own child's self-confidence. Being critical or judgmental of game performances is counter productive. All kids, by definition, want to please their parents and desperately want their acceptance. Understand that your athlete will never be perfect, so celebrate their effort more than their results and you will do wonders to build your athlete's level of confidence. Remember...it's only a game!

10. Build confidence by design. The goal of this 10 point blueprint is to change the way your athlete thinks; to start the process of building rock solid self-confidence one brick at a time. The starting place is always addressing the negative and fearful thoughts that bombard their head on game day, and particularly at the key moments of the game. Have a conversation with your athlete about all of these blueprint points as well as have them write down their own thoughts and feelings in their sports journal as a process of elevating their thoughts about themselves and their game.

Lack of self-confidence can be a very dangerous thing for your athlete. So many kids define themselves as individuals based on their athletic performance, particularly as adolescents. Low self-confidence can lead to low self-esteem and low self-image which can cascade into poor academic performance and poor social choices. Work with your athlete to build their self-confidence slowly but surely. The long term benefits will be well worth the time and effort.

Check out my new Sports Confidence Blueprint program, designed to skyrocket your athlete's game day confidence with dozens of proven strategies!



 Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.

Be sure to follow me on Twitter or Facebook for my daily "Sports Mental Minute."

Saturday

Parents Beware: The "60 Minute Rule" for Her Success

I give weekly mental skills team training to a travel softball organization with eight teams from
12u to 18u and each week I'm always curious to see the response I will get from each team on the various topics I cover. This week my overall topic was on Having a Plan. In other words preparing for success. I talked about having a "pre-game" plan, an "in-game" plan and a "post-game" plan.

Far and away the subject I received the most reaction from the over 100 girls I train is what I term "The 60 Minute Rule."  Now, in advance, I warn you to dismiss or ignore this rule at your and your athlete's own risk. Breaking this rule can drive a wedge between you and your athlete as well as negatively affect her game performance.

Change her game forever with just one click!

So, without further delay...let me disclose The 60 Minute Rule.

The 60 Minute Rule requires that as parents you refrain from speaking to you athlete about her game or games for at least 60 minutes after the game(s). As a softball parent myself I know how much you can't wait to dissect, evaluate, analyze, critique or judge your athlete's performance and that of her team. Some of you reading this are nothing but positive with your athlete and that is great. However more of you are likely coaches, ex-coaches, ex-athletes who may mean well...but still come off as negative to your athlete. In either case I suggest you follow The 60 Minute Rule.

Here are the problems in violating The 60 Minute Rule:

fastpitch softball pitcher
  • Your athlete needs time to decompress and self-evaluate her game performance on her own first. She needs to recognize what she did well and what she needs to work on to get better. 
  • Your athlete likely learned more about the game and herself during the day. Give her the time to figure that out and whatever lessons she did learn that day.
  • Should you begin to critique (what you call it; she calls it "criticizing") your athlete's performance immediately after the game or on the ride home her mistakes will become magnified in her head and you will force her to focus on those failings (and feelings they bring) versus what she learned in the process that day. Self-confidence is a fleeting thing, so be careful about driving it away with unnecessary comments and judgments.
  • Should you persist at violating The 60 Minute Rule your athlete may come to resent both you and the game. As I did to my own daughter I guarantee your repeated criticism, no matter how well intended it is, will start to suck the joy out of the game for your athlete.
  • In reality your critique might be positive and helpful, however if your athlete is anything like mine how she hears the message may be very different from how you intend it!
  • Please don't expect perfection from your athlete or her team. This game is hard enough as it is without having to perform under the burden of unrealistic parental expectations.

Enjoy FREE Audio Lesson from the


 

If you absolutely have to address the game with your athlete within the 60 minute window ask her only these questions:
  • Did you have fun playing?
  • What did you learn today?
  • What was your favorite moment of the game(s)?
Now the caveat to The 60 Minute Rule is whether your athlete wants to talk about the game? If she brings it up, or you have a very naturally talkative and happy kid, great! Just practice being a good listener first.

One of the many joys of youth sports is how short a memory kids have about their games. Within hours or certainly by the next day (depending on age and personality) most kids will have entirely forgotten about a good or bad game. As adults maybe we can learn something from our kids, for it is the parents and coaches who carry a tough game with them for hours or days. I know as a coach it is hard to sleep after tough losses, yet my daughter will sleep like a baby...win or lose.

Your critique of your athlete's game may take her away from that child like innocence that is natural and healthy for her to experience. Allow her to be a kid playing a game. Remember...sports should be fun first!

**As an incentive to be sure you follow The 60 Minute Rule set up a contest or wager with your athlete. I'm betting that she will be absolutely sure that you won't be able to stay quiet for an hour after her games! So make it fun for her and you. I know that I had to pay my daughter several dollars each weekend for my critiques of her game!

More importantly have a conversation with your athlete and find out how she really feels about your post game comments to her. You will very likely be surprised by her comments. As long as she knows you mean the best for her and you know how your comments impact her you should be fine. Remember any action you take to criticize her may ultimately cause the opposite reaction of what you desire for her. Young athletes today are acutely aware of their performance and any added pressure from you will trigger the Law of Diminishing Returns.

For more great mental game tips please visit my Facebook!


**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $59.97...full of a ton of mental performance resources!





Follow John Kelly's daily "Sports Mental Minute" on Facebook .

Wednesday

Focusing On Her Results is a Recipe for Disaster

Let’s face it, we live in a world today that is OBSESSED and consumed by RESULTS.  Never before in human history have our results been so micro-focused on and made so public so quickly.  With cell phone cameras, mobile Internet access, You Tube, Facebook, Twitter and other rapidly emerging technologies people’s actions are recorded, publicized and robustly judged within a matter of mere minutes of an event…worldwide.  WOW, talk about pressure!  


If you are a fastpitch softball player at the high school or travel level it is likely that your coach reports game statistics on MaxPreps.com or Game Changer, so the whole world can see your individual RESULTS, even college coaches. Softball, like baseball, has become a game driven by obscure statistics measuring things like On Base %, WHIP (walks + hits/inning pitched), RISP Average, Strikeout to Walk Ratio, Fielding %, ERA, Slugging %, Quality AB Ratio, and a few dozen more obscure ones.


Over and above the keeping of statistics in fastpitch softball is the moment by moment scrutiny of players’ performances by their coaches and parents. Fastpitch softball is a game of individual battles within the team game. As a result each player will be judged on her individual performance over and above whatever her team does that day. As we cover elsewhere in this book, a fastpitch softball player may have 6-10 plays per game that she will be judged on as good or bad, as a success or failure (more if your athlete is a pitcher). A coach, parent or player will absolutely keep score of the performance that day guaranteed.  


With this much scrutiny and pressure the KEY for your athlete’s developing a healthy and successful approach to playing the game of softball is in SHIFTING of her focus AWAY from the RESULTS or outcomes of her performance and, rather, focus on the PROCESS or effort involved in the event or action.  This is perhaps the single most important factor in producing confident, successful, happy athletes.  



LET ME REPEAT THAT…focusing on an athlete’s RESULTS only is not only a bad idea, it’s a confidence killer that will do more to harm an athlete’s potential to become a consistent, peak performer and her love for the game that any other single factor!

That being said, as a player, coach or parent, how do you make the shift away from results thinking to process thinking and why?


Here’s the why: it is super important for an athlete to recognize the factors she has control over and those factors she does not have ANY control over.


As you can see the player, coaches and parents could view the athlete’s effort as a failure or as a success.  If the athlete views it as a failure a “negative” file is stored away in her brain for future use.  However, if the athlete perceives the effort as a success a “positive” file is stored away in her brain for future use.  Which one do you think will do more good to insure success in her future at bats, and which one may cause to sabotage your athlete’s future efforts? An athlete has total control of the effort she puts into her training and preparation for a game.  And because fastpitch softball is a game of ultra specific skills and mechanics within those skills it is the execution of these skills or PROCESSES that the athlete should be concerned with, not necessarily the results or outcome those processes produce.


Why? Because an athlete has 100% CONTROL over the process and tasks necessary to get better as a player. Putting the focus on the process allows the athlete to use a game situation as an indicator or litmus test of how her skills process is progressing. It also allows her to frame each game as an opportunity to learn how to execute her skills (tasks) better.


In short get your athlete (and yourself) to focus on her effort, her attitude and her mental focus…the factors she absolutely has control over, and let go of the rest! Neither you nor her can control the results so why focus on them? I guarantee you that she will get results commensurate with her effort, attitude and focus.

(This post is an excerpt from John Kelly's new book, How She Thinks is How She Plays. Read more about this "must read" book HERE.)


Sunday

Winning the Confidence Game

For most any athlete, even professional athletes, playing with confidence is essential for success to occur. But for young athletes inadequate self-confidence not only damages an athlete's performance but it can also seep into other parts of their lives as well.

Of all the subjects I cover on mental skills training I get the most interest and feedback on the area of self-confidence, and for good reason. For a teenage girl playing softball confidence is almost as important as oxygen (and texting!) to insure her success and happiness!

In a game as challenging as fastpitch softball self-confidence is the elixir of champions. Without it the game can eat a young athlete alive. With it  a young athlete can achieve greatness far quicker than you can imagine. Here are 5 tips for winning the confidence game:

1. Believe It - if your athlete has conviction that she will succeed she is well on her way to massive success. Self-confidence is a result of "can do" thinking, which emanates from a powerful belief that a task or goal can be achieved. If, on the other hand, your athlete questions her ability to succeed her core belief is telling her that she "can't do" it. Limiting thinking always starts with distorted beliefs. Once she truly believes it can can achieve it.

2. Don't Expect Perfection - Let's face it, in softball your athlete is going to make errors, mental mistakes and have poor at bats; it's simply an inevitable part of the game. As such your athlete cannot expect to be perfect. No one who ever played the game or will ever play the game has been or will be PERFECT. Your athlete's ability to frame her failings as a learning opportunity on her path to game mastery will allow her to maintain her self-confidence in the face of adversity.
high school softball hitter
Give Her the Gift that Will Change Her Game Forever!

3. Parental Support - this may seem a non-issue for you, but first consider the expectations you place on your athlete for her on the field performance. Excessive expectations can cause her difficulty because she so wants to please her parents, and any perceived "failure" on the field can increase her stress and anxiety levels causing further declines in her performance. Even worse if she hears negative comments during or after the game from you about her performance it will serve to erode her self-confidence even more. She needs your 110% unconditional support to build and maintain the level of self-confidence it will take for her to succeed at a difficult game.


4. Leave Her Comfort Zone - for your athlete to be her best and develop the rock solid self-confidence necessary to become a consistent peak performer she will need to abandon her comfort zones and trust herself enough to grow in the sport. This is why so many players look great in practice, particularly batting practice, but can't seem to perform at the same level once they cross the white lines. Practice is typically low stress, while games are higher stress. Building self-confidence in game situations requires that your athlete trust herself enough to try new things, new mechanics, new approaches...and understand that in the short run she may experience a few bumps in the road until she is more comfortable with the new way of doing things. Softball is a game of adjustments and unless your athlete is prepared to leave old ways of doing things she will never advance in the game and her self-confidence will sputter too.

5. Expect It - today most young softball players put an enormous amount of time into the game. Your athlete should consider that time an "investment" in her game. And like any investment she should expect to get a "return" on her investment. Expecting success on game day means believing she is worthy of success. So often players do not feel worthy of success. They feel they aren't fast enough, strong enough, athletic enough or simply good enough to succeed. They feel inadequate in relation to teammates or opponents. This inadequacy looks like lower self-image, lower self-esteem and, of course, lower self-confidence. Once your athlete begins to expect that her hard hard should and will yield positive results on the field she will begin to cultivate greater self-confidence.

Remember, winning the confidence game is a process that may take some time. For youngsters self-confidence can be a "here today, gone tomorrow" proposition. To be sure she is on the right path guard against feelings of frustration and anger when things don't go her way on the diamond. Have a serious conversation with your athlete to discover what her core beliefs are about herself and softball. You might be surprised!

Review these five tips with her often. If she can properly frame the game and herself in the game she should be okay. However, if she starts developing distorted thinking (the result of distorted beliefs about herself and the game) you will need to step in as this kind of thinking will absolutely limit her self-confidence and game performance.

As a self-confident athlete the sky is the limit for her. I wish your athlete success in winning the confidence game!


 Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.

Follow John Kelly's daily "Sports Mental Minute" on Facebook.

Tuesday

The Perils of Coaching Your Daughter

For those of you who dare to coach your own kid(s) in whatever sport they play or played know that coaching your own child is the greatest joy yet most treacherous journey any parent can take. I liken it to walking on a narrow path on a cliff high above the ocean. The views are spectacular but one false step and boom...down the cliff you tumble! 

Perhaps I am being over dramatic but the dynamics between the parent/coach and child is usually both a blessing and a curse (particularly with daddy-daughter), but it doesn't have to be if you follow these steps:

1. Treat Her Like Every Other Player - Meaning don't expect more from her and be harsher in your assessment of her performance, or be easier on her because she's your daughter. Her teammates are watching how you treat her (as are the other parents)...believe me! Your daughter is likely self-conscious that her mom or dad is the coach, so be careful to treat her like the rest of the players. Don't favor her in the lineup unless she deserves it. It took me about 7 years to figure this one out. 

2. Remember Why You Coach - As a single parent the time I spent coaching my daughter over eight years was always a privilege and an opportunity to share my passion with her while watching her play the game I love up close. As a parent it was so cool to watch her successes from the bucket (when she pitched) or in the 3rd base coaches box (when she hit). Years later your daughter, hopefully, will remember and be proud that her dad or mom volunteered to be her coach and that she learned many life lessons from "her coach."
My darling daughter and I in '09

3. Leave It at the Field - The minute you walk off the diamond with your daughter you need to turn back into mom or dad. The 24/7 coach as dad or mom can cause friction in the relationship with your daughter so beware. Enjoy being her coach for every minute you are on the field with her, but enjoy even more being her parent when the practice or game is over.

Is Your Athlete a Game Changer? Find Out.

4. Communicate - Too often when I coached my daughter I made a few poorly timed comments during the game that upset her, causing us to to be silent in the car on the way home. Please don't let that be you. Know that your verbal and non-verbal communications deeply affect your daughter. If she is younger she may not know how to cope with her feelings of sadness or anger with you (as all kids desperately want to please their parents). If she is older she'll just be pissed off at you! Make it a point to communicate with one another; explain the coach-daughter dynamic with her and encourage her to let you know when you cross the line. If you messed up, apologize to her. I was one of the worst offenders ever and once my daughter starting call me on my actions our relationship as coach and daughter improved dramatically! The bottom line is for her to enjoy the game.

5. Employ "Big Picture" Thinking - The chances are you will not be coach your daughter forever, so please don't do anything to spoil the game for her. I see countless parents at the travel level who simply can't let go once they stop coaching. They continue to coach their daughters from behind the backstop or dugout. They are always lurking somewhere, second guessing her coach and poisoning the well with the other parents. Please don't let that be you. I know first hand how difficult it is to be on the other side of the fence watching someone else coach my daughter. At first I felt like a caged lion as I paced back and forth during each game. Finally I realized that it was a positive for her to have someone other than me coach her, for better or for worse. In truth my daughter enjoyed the game more once I stopped coaching her.

6. Have Fun - As always your role as coach will be what you make of it. If you expect perfection from 12 year olds, including your daughter, you will be in a state of perpetual frustration as a coach. Remember, no matter what age your daughter is...she is likely not going to play the game the same way you did, and may not make the same decisions you would on the field. Allow her to make mistakes so that she can learn from them. Encourage her and smile often, for all too soon these special days of coaching your daughter will be gone. Do all you can to make the memories for her and you great ones.

Now on the positive side the coach's daughter usually learns to understand the game better from being around "the coach" all the time. Most coaches daughters tend to be students of the game and their game reflects that.

The experience you can have coaching your child can be an outrageously positive and successful one, bringing you two closer together. However, on the flip side it can be a source of constant aggravation and frustration for both of you, damaging the relationship in the process. Following these five steps will help your outcome to be a more positive one.

As you walk the slippery slope of coaching your daughter always make decisions that put the team first. Your daughter will feel more comfortable and likely perform better if mom or dad just looks like "coach." The best evidence of this is when parents or coaches from the other team have no clue who the coach's daughter is!

The foundation for every athlete's success is confidence, isn't it? I've created a surefire way for your athlete to both and maintain "rock solid" sports confidence, with tools that will allow her to overcome any softball adversity and play her best when it matters most. It's called The Sports Confidence Blueprint Program. Check it out!



Please visit us on Facebook and "Like" us!

Thursday

Parent vs. Coach...10 Tips to Make it Work

Whether you are a parent or a coach reading this the volatile and sometimes hostel relationship between parent and coach has a dramatic impact on both players and team, usually to the detriment of both.

Having coached over 1,000 fastpitch softball game I have pretty much seen and heard it all, as a coach, parent and fan. As we all know...it gets ugly sometimes! The real question is why does it get ugly and how can parents and coaches get along better?

In competitive or travel softball parents always have a choice as to which team they place their daughter on; in high school or rec softball you're kind of stuck with whomever is coaching. In either scenario there are definite ways to make the relationship work...here they are:

Skyrocket her confidence and softball performance with one click!


1. Better Communication - Whether parent or coach the best way to resolve any issue or concern is with one-on-one communication. Take the initiative to approach the other party calmly with suggestions. Don't assume the coach or parent knows what you are thinking and that your point is "obvious" to him/her. Go to the source and work it out. As a coach I always appreciate a parent who takes the time to seek me out to address an issue. I want what is best for my team and each player, and if any parent can help towards that end I'm open to it.

2. Lower Expectations - In my experience many softball parents have astronomical expectations for both their athlete's and team's performance. As a coach I can tell you that most teams are a work in progress; particularly if they are a new team or a team jumping to the next age group. I recognize frustration occurs when players or teams don't perform well, but if your athlete is under 16, believe me, she has yet to master a very difficult game. Give it time.

Enjoy FREE Audio Lessons from 
the Sports Confidence Blueprint program below:


3. More Patience - Which leads me to more patience! We expect a lot from our kids today and sometimes they have a difficult time handling everything we throw at them. Allow them some time to get better. No coach is a miracle worker. A good coach sees the big picture for his/her athletes and the team. Do wins and losses really matter at 10, 12 or 14? Look for the baby steps of progress.

4. More Trust - Parents need to trust their athlete's coaches more. In my experience parents assume they know exactly what is going on with the team at all times. However I can assure you they do not know about injuries, keep track of playing time (for 12-14 kids...which can be hard), work with the players in practice, know their strengths and weaknesses as well as those of the opponent. If you have committed to a team trust that the coaches have a plan.
angry sports parents

5. More Respect - Along with trust comes respect. No matter what you may personally think of your athlete's coaches they are volunteering their time (or being paid slaves wages at best) to help your athlete and the team. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the very best they can and respect them for their effort. It's easy to criticize from the other side of the fence.

6. Be Realistic - How good is your athlete, and how good is her team? Being realistic is a by-product of expectations. If your athlete is not yet a consistent peak performer try to see her through the eyes of her coaches. They have to manage 12+ players and do their best to develop them all while making every effort to win. Maybe your athlete isn't good enough to crack the starting lineup, but she is learning a ton about the game and is benefiting being exposed to better competition.

7. The Embarrassment Factor - If your athlete is a teenager you should be aware of how embarrassed she get when you are yelling at her, at the coaches, at the umpires, at other parents, etc. First of all it isn't helping the team one bit and it is likely embarrassing the heck out of your athlete and hurting her performance as well. Remember...we can hear you through the fence!



8. Don't Stir the Pot - This is my biggest pet peeve as a coach...when a parent talks about the coaches, a player or another parent behind everyone's back. This "stirring the pot" of discontent can become a cancer on a team (making a coach's job even more difficult) and may ultimately be grounds for not inviting your athlete back to play on the team in the future. I've had parents on my own team almost come to blows because one player is playing more than another, or because of remarks made about a player after an error or bad at bat. Really? Read #1 through #7 again if you don't get this point!

9. Focus on Effort...Not Results - A common source of discontent between players and coaches stems from being obsessed with the results of the game and minimizing the effort or progress a player or team is making. No athlete or team has ever or will ever be perfect. Do we strive for perfection...yes. But to expect that 10, 12, 14 or 16 year old girls are going to win every game or not make mistakes is creating unnecessary frustration. If you, instead, focus on the effort being given and the slow but steady improvement your athlete and team are making you might see the coach in a different light.

10. New Team - If you've tried points 1-9 and still have issues with your athlete's coaches then maybe it is time for a change. There are times when a player and parent are better off in a new environment, with a new culture and attitude. If your current team has a negative or critical vibe, your athlete isn't getting legitimate playing time she deserves (see #6), or her coaches don't really seem to be helping her to get better a new team may be the answer. But I caution you against "team hopping" where the grass is always greener mentality prevails. Maybe you should ask your athlete what she wants to do? Is she happy? Does she enjoy her teammates and coaches? Moving her to a new team will mean new teammates, new coaches and new culture. How will she fit in?

As a coach and softball parent I know all too well that parents and coaches don't always see eye to eye on strategy or lineups. However, if both parties can respect each others' position there can be individual and team harmony. Remember, we're all out there at 7am on a cold or hot Sunday morning for the girls. As I always say...would you rather be right or be happy (because sometimes you can't have both)?


**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $49...full of a ton of mental performance resources!




 
Visit us on Facebook and "Like' us!

Wednesday

How to Build Rock Solid Self-Confidence

It's no secret that a self-confident player performs better on the softball field. In general a self-confident person is far more effective performing any activity. For a young person, however, the task of building rock solid self-confidence can be a challenge and a frustration, particularly when it comes to fastpitch softball.

Softball is a game built on failure and adversity where self-confidence is like the chicken and the egg analogy; what comes first self-confidence or success? Certainly once an athlete possesses a solid foundation of self-confidence while playing the game consistent success is more likely to follow. However, without a track record of success self-confidence can be extremely difficult to attain.

As a coach and softball parent it is most frustrating to see self-confidence come and go in young athletes like a mirage in the desert. In this game success can be fleeting in the face of the inevitable kicks in the stomach the game is guaranteed to administer to your athlete.

So how can your athlete develop and maintain a high level of self-confidence that will act like a shield against the game's adversity and allow her to become a consistent peak performer?

high school softball base running

1. Change Her Beliefs: What does she believe about herself and softball? Her beliefs will determine her level of success. Does she believe she is a good hitter or not? Does she believe others are better and more worthy of success than she is? Does she believe she's not fast enough, or strong enough, or quick enough to succeed? If a pitcher does she believe she doesn't throw hard enough to succeed? These limiting beliefs will rear their ugly head after adversity and failure hit, reinforcing her distorted beliefs and leading to more failure.

2. Change Her Perceptions: How does she perceive the game and her results? Is she effort driven or results driven? Does she judge her performance harshly? Does she expect to be perfect? Does she spiral downward emotionally after one mistake? Distorted perceptions of performance will kill future performance. If she recognizes that adversity is part of the game and can frame every mistake as a learning opportunity to get better she will free herself from self-judgment and begin the process of greater building self-confidence.


3. Change Her Thoughts: Her thoughts are a direct result of her beliefs. She has over 50,000 unique thoughts each and every day. Does she tell herself she can or she can't? Distorted thinking can lead to fear, anxiety, frustration, anger and sadness. Self-confident thoughts are empowering and energizing while un-confident thoughts are destructive and energy draining. Building rock solid self-confidence happens one day at a time like building a brick wall. If she can re-align her beliefs and begin engaging in "can do" thinking her self-confidence will slowly but surely grow strong.

4. Change Her Actions: Once her beliefs and thoughts are properly aligned with her goals of success in the game she now needs to demonstrate her self-confidence on the field, at practice and games. A self-confident player looks the part with positive body language, positive self-talk, running on and off the field and to and from the batter's box. Self-confidence is definitely a state of mind, but it must ultimately translate to successful actions on the field.

Ultimately building rock solid self-confidence starts and is maintained by proper thinking. Beliefs and perceptions must be questioned for their accuracy or distortion. Right thinking then will lead to a more relaxed approach for your athlete, yielding far better results. You see, a relaxed and calm athlete is a self-confident athlete. A relaxed athlete can exert 100% mental focus because she does not have negative and fearful thoughts bombarding her head.

As one success leads to another your athlete will steadily build her self-confidence. That combined with continuous mental skills training will keep her confidence rock solid --able to withstand even the toughest on the field adversities. Remember, mental toughness is a choice.

Self-confidence isn't a switch your athlete flips on like the light in her bedroom but rather a process that takes time and concerted effort to develop and maintain. With proper thinking she can become the best she can be and love playing the game!


Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.


Visit us on Facebook!

Thursday

Impatient Parents: Success is in the Journey

I decided to throw a little "zen" at you today as we start a new month. But don't worry...this is still a fastpitch softball post!

I was at our travel organizational coaches meeting this week for our eight teams and a common concern among the coaches was the parents who were constantly complaining about x, y, z. You know...questioning their daughter's playing time, their daughter's position, questioning the batting order (why "lesser" players were batting higher), questioning the coaches' strategic moves during a game, questioning pitch calls...

Our travel organization is among the best in the nation at creating champions and getting our girls athletic scholarships into big time universities, according to the Triple Crown Sports/USA Softball polls, and still some of our parents aren't happy.

The question our General Manager asks these parents when faced with criticism or complaint: "Is your daughter getting better?" Invariably the parent has to admit that she is.

You see mastery of a very difficult game like fastpitch softball takes time; it is a journey that cannot be completed overnight. For parents of athletes who are 10-14 years old, don't worry...there is still plenty of time for your daughter to develop her game and the right college coaches to find her. Being impatient about her development isn't the answer. In fact it is probably hindering her development through the added pressure she feels from you; not to mention alienating yourself with her coaches can't help her either.



To be fair to all parties concerned the first question you need to ask yourself, as objectively as possible, is whether or not your athlete is playing on the right team. Here are a few issues to consider:
  • Are the coaches qualified (not just their skill level but are the practices challenging and efficient)?
  • Does the coach possess a positive attitude that gets the most out of his/her players?
  • Is your athlete getting playing time (or is not showing clear sign of improvement)?
  • Is the team competitive with players that challenge each other to get better?
  • Does the team play in competitive tournaments against better teams?
Ultimately the team your athlete plays on must be a good fit with her skill level, her motivation for playing the game (and goals), and your "feel" for the big picture of her team and how you think she is progressing. My only suggestion is to be patient and not expect perfection or miracles tomorrow.

The bottom line is that if you truly believe your athlete is in the right place to further her softball development then chill! Remember, good things come to those who wait, right? Your athlete will master this game on her own timetable, not yours. Trust your athlete's coaches and her own efforts to make her a better player. Like we tell our 100+ players, "just strive to get a little better each day."

Impatient parents who heap massive expectations on their kids are really causing just the opposite of what they want from their athlete. The loud parent who is always critical of the coaches, the umpires, their child, and the hamburger from the snack bar will create high levels of anxiety in their athlete which will diminish performance in a nano second. Players either become embarrassed by their parent's behavior or cower to the impending ass chewing out they will get after a sub-par performance. Either way being impatient with your athlete's development will lead to less focus, less success and less joy for playing the game.

As well, parents comments during the game to other parents, coaches, umpires and players can great serve to undermine the team and overall parental chemistry and harmony. If you want to coach then sign up...otherwise please just enjoy the game.

Remember, the success for your athlete is truly found in her journey; you are just along for the ride, and to cover the expenses of the journey of course!

The game is 90% mental. How much are you and your athlete investing into her mental skills training? Change her game forever with The Game Changer Program: A Mental Skills Blueprint to Make Her the Best She Can Be. Over 6 hours of mental skills audio lessons plus John Kelly's new 174 page ebook, How She Thinks is How She Plays and much more for less than the cost of a one hour hitting lesson!

Please visit us on Facebook and "Like" us!


Saturday

Softball Scholarship Opportunities By the Numbers

Here are the latest numbers on collegiate softball scholarships, courtesy of the NCAA and NAIA:

Division I Softball Programs: 295
Division I Maximum Softball Scholarships/Program: 12*
Total Potential Division I Softball Scholarships: 3,540

Division II Softball Programs: 290
Division II Maximum Softball Scholarships/Program: 7.2*
Total Potential Division II Softball Scholarships: 2,088

Division III Softball Programs: 420
Division III Maximum Softball Scholarships/Program: 0**
Total Potential Division III Softball Scholarships: 0

NAIA Softball Programs: 192***
NAIA Maximum Softball Scholarships/Program: 10*
Total Potential NAIA Softball Scholarships: 1,920

The good news is there are nearly 1,200 four year colleges across America that field softball teams with the potential for over 7,500 athletic scholarships.

*Note that many programs choose not to utilize their maximum allotted athletic scholarships each season.

**Although D III programs cannot offer athletic scholarships they are very adept at lining up academic scholarship money for student athletes.

***Unlike the NCAA the NAIA rules allow coaches to talk to high schools athletes prior to the end of their junior year.


It is certainly a trend total with college softball programs to combine athletic and academic scholarships to as many of their recruits as possible. Very few players are on full athletic scholarships, so if your athlete is a great student her opportunities to play in college with substantial financial aid will be greatly enhanced.

Recent NCAA rules make it possible for member schools to now offer multi-year athletic scholarship commitments rather than just year to year renewals.

Remember with over 1,100 schools offering softball programs don’t limit your sights to regional programs or ones that attend showcases. As several D-II and D-III softball coaches have told me their budgets limit their ability to travel but they are always looking for top notch players. Many of these smaller schools will offer your daughter a great opportunity to both play ball and get a great education, so be proactive and reach out!

Thanks for reading!


 Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.


Visit us on Facebook and "Like" us!