How Parents and Coaches Can Kill Athletic Performance

As sports parents and coaches we undoubtedly want the best for our athletes/daughters. However, for many their best intentions turn into game day actions and behavior that end up hurting athletic performance rather than helping it.

Let's look at the types of things a parent can do to diminish or even kill their daughter's game day performance, and worse...their love for the game:

1. Yelling instructions to their daughter during a game. This is probably #2 in my list of worst things a parent can do to kill athletic performance (we'll get to athletic enemy #1 later). Now I know that many of you are former coaches, but whether your daughter is playing at the rec, All Star, high school or travel level yelling out instructions (no matter how well meaning) only serves to confuse your athlete, take her focus away from the task at hand and, in many cases, undermines the instruction given to her by her coach(es).

In my experience as a coach last minute instructions during a game don't work. The time to instruct is during the week, before a game, or carefully critiqued after a game (see my "60 Minute Rule" post).

Additionally younger female athletes end up being highly embarrassed by a parent who is constantly yelling at them through the fence (if you think I'm wrong ask your daughter).

2. Stalking. If you are the kind of parent who can't stand to be more than 10 feet from the dugout every game STOP. I once had a parent of one of my players who even went to the extent of pretending to take photos right next to our dugout at Nationals just so he could just stand there all game and "spy" on us. Now if you think that is acceptable or mentally stable behavior it's time for a long look in the mirror!

If you were a former athlete...get over it. If you were a former coach...get over it. Let go of your need to control or be involved during your athlete's games. If your daughter is at the travel level of softball you are likely making a significant investment in her game via team dues and private lessons. It's time to DETACH yourself from her performance during ALL practices and games and trust her coaches to do their jobs.

It's only a game brother!

3. Bad Mouthing. Yes, the #1 enemy of all athletes and coaches. This is the parent who can't keep his or her mouth shut during a game; always second guessing the coach's lineup and strategies; never happy. Usually only focused on winning. Even worse they will talk poorly about players on their own team. These parents are POISON and a VIRUS on a team as they infect other parents, players and even their own daughter to question her coaches and teammates. They are dividers that should be cut from any team their daughter plays on. These parents live in a fantasy land of myopia where their child is the best player in the Universe. They utilize verbal abuse and sports "bullying" to attempt to coerce coaches and parents (and sadly their own kid) to see things their way.

This type of parental behavior absolutely kills athletic performance because it creates a constant negative mindset in their daughter. In one national tournament one of my parents barked at me during a game because I pinch hit for his daughter during a pivotal part of a game. For the rest of the week I could see his daughter shut down to any joy of playing or hanging with her teammates. It was sad to watch, but predictable.

Let's look at a couple of coaching behaviors and actions that can also greatly damage athletic performance:

1. Yelling at Players. This type of coach is almost always obsessed with winning, and is "results only" driven. At our recent national tournament I watched a game (yes...always scouting) and witnessed a coach acting like a caged lion in the 3rd base coaching box; pacing back and forth relentlessly, approaching the umpire aggressively on every questionable strike; verbally instructing and criticizing his batters before and after on EVERY pitch (with a booming voice). His body language mirrored his verbal tirades and his players cringed after a failed at bat as he approached them on their way back to the dugout, in their face.

Does this coach actually believe his actions and gross behavior are helping his girls to play better? And yet in this guy's heart he surely wants the best for them. If you have a coach in your world like this guy (or even close), you need to pull him or her aside to discuss their actions or get the heck out of there!

Old school coaching tactics!

Female athletes, in my experience of twelve years of coaching, do not respond well to verbal abuse (or call it aggressive criticism). In fact they usually shut down, lose all respect for that coach, and will NEVER play remotely close to their potential on that team. Verbally criticizing any player in front of her teammates is a major no-no, as girls hate to be embarrassed in front of anyone!

2. Over-Coaching. As a coach it is hard not to over-coach during a game. We want the best for each of our players but sometimes (or always for some coaches) we verbally instruct too much during at bats or with our pitchers. Again, the time for mechanics instruction is during practice not the game. At best I will give my hitters one or two verbal cues if I see them doing something with their swing or I need them to focus on keeping their hands back for a slower pitcher. But far too often I see coaches barking endless batting or pitching instructions to their players.

Keep this in mind, a hitter has about 1/3 of one second to determine pitch velocity, movement and location and whether to swing or not. It requires the ultimate level of concentration and mental focus (think the Olympic platform divers who take sometimes 30 seconds or more to focus themselves prior to their dive). If she is being verbally barraged by both coach and parent what possible chance does she have to focus her thoughts on the task at hand?

The same goes for pitchers. If putting a round bat on a round ball (given the incredibly challenging parameters I described earlier) is the hardest thing to do in sports (as broadcaster Bob Costas often says) then pinpointing a softball within a target the size of a shoe box from 43 feet away may be the second most difficult! Any lapses in concentration caused by over-coaching will cause a clearly diminished return on performance by any pitcher.

In the final analysis it is often best for us adults to just let our kids play. When I was playing as a kid parents rarely said a word during a game other than positive cheering. I never remember my dad even being involved with my baseball as a kid. It was clearly about the kids and the kids ONLY. Today the parents are involved big time and they carry, in my opinion, excessive and unhealthy expectations for their athlete's performance.

Yes, I understand the investment and stakes are higher these days in softball, but if your intention is for your athlete to perform her best my suggestion is to take a step, or several, back and let her coaches coach. And for gosh sake let her enjoy playing the game by respecting her effort. Let go of your need to critique every game, every play, every pitch. If she is 11, 12, 13 ,14 she is still in the developmental phase of a very difficult game, so let her develop at her, not your, pace...and just enjoy the ride!

Register for John's FREE 60 minute "Sports Confidence Boosting" Webinar!

**Check out the best selling Sports Confidence Blueprint program to skyrocket her sports confidence and game performance levels!

Follow @KellyEdge

Athletic Success or Failure is Like a Magnet...Find Out Why

As a kid I used to marvel at the magic of a simple magnet; the power and strength it has to attract or repel other objects to or from it. In fact a magnet produces a magnetic field around it that makes it super easy to attract non-magnetized metal objects and repel the polar opposite end of other magnets.

The stronger the magnetic field the more powerful the magnet's ability to attract. The weaker the magnetic field the more difficult it is to attract.

In the very same "magical" way your athlete or team attracts or repels their success on game day by the power and strength of their very own magnetic field; their perceptions, their thoughts and their emotions.

Success or failure on the field or court is always a cause and effect dynamic. Like a magnet success or failure are predictable outcomes based on the athlete's mindset (or magnetic power).

A magnet has no choice but to attract or repel based on the quality of it's internal magnetic field (that dictates the result)....which is, thus, totally predictable. In the same way your athlete or team's game day performance results are also totally predictable based on the quality of their cumulative mindset (the sum total of past experiences and the perceptions, beliefs and thoughts about those experiences).

Let's take a look at the "magnetic" mindset that attracts and produces athletic performances that consistently meet or exceed potential:

1. A mindset rooted in confidence (based on perceptions and beliefs about previous successes).
2. Process, not results driven (the recognition that game mastery takes time).
3. Expectancy for success ("can do" thinking).
4. Exceptional preparation (physical and mental) and a clearly defined plan (desire to be the best).
5. Laser focus (poise when it matters most).

Now let's take a look at the "magnetic" mindset that attracts and produces athletic performances that are consistently below potential:

1. A mindset rooted in doubt (based on perceptions and beliefs about previous failures)
2. Solely driven by results (elevating anxiety and frustration levels).
3. Expectancy for failure ("can't do" or "I'm not sure" thinking).
4. Average preparation (physical, likely no mental) and no plan.
5. Low or sporadic level of focus (caused by feelings and thoughts of doubt, focusing on past failure).

Torrey Pines H.S. - C.I.F. Champions

Cultivating the magnetic mindset for consistent athletic success takes time for any younger athlete. However as a parent or coach you can look for clear signs your athlete or team is attracting or repelling success. Here are a few of the signs you might observe that indicate success is likely:

1. An excitement to practice or play (high energy).
2. Decisive actions on the field or court (no doubt).
3. A calm, relaxed confidence before and during the game.
4. Extremely coach-able; always looking for ways to improve their game.
5. Great body language; particularly after game adversity hits.

Here are a few of the signs you might observe that indicate success is unlikely:

1. A lack of desire to go to practice or work on the side (low energy).
2. Body language on the field or court that indicates frustration, anger or sadness; particularly after a mistake.
3. Higher levels of anxiety before the game or at pivotal moments of the game (a fear of failure).
4. Defensive posture when approached by coach or parent about performance.
5. Indecisive actions during a game (doubt - an unwillingness to swing or shoot or pass).

So how can you as parent or coach help your athlete(s) to magnetize success rather than failure on game day?

A mindset that attracts athletic failure is full of doubt, false perceptions and erroneous beliefs about ability and possibility that lead to thought patterns of failure. An expectancy for low performance is inevitable in this scenario. 

To break the cycle of self-sabotage and "catastrophizing" you need to challenge your athlete's beliefs about themselves and help them to maintain more PMA (present moment awareness) and not dwell on past mistakes or failures. Help them to remember past successes, and reinvigorate their goals and reasons for playing the game.

As a point of comparison a mindset that attracts athletic success is full of energy, confidence and PMA that insures the necessary relaxed game focus to play at a consistently high level. Athletes with this mindset have clearly defined goals and a passion for the game.

So how is your athlete or team using their internal magnet? 

As always, success is a choice that always begins between the ears! Remember, knowledge is power, so help your athlete(s) to understand the power of their thoughts to dictate and predict their level of success on the field or court.

Invest in her mental game today, with The Game Changer Program and Sports Confidence Blueprint!

Follow @KellyEdge

5 Keys to Being a Superstar at Nationals

As national fastpitch softball tournaments around the country approach in late July every team, player, coach and parent sets their sights on winning a championship...or at the very least playing their best ball and representing their team, organization, league or state well on the biggest stage of the season.

If your athlete is playing at the 14u travel level or above she will likely be playing in front of numerous college coaches scouting players looking for the very best athletes they can offer scholarship money to.

As well, parents will make their biggest financial investment of the season to attend these national tournaments.

In other words the stakes couldn't be higher for every athlete to play her best when it matters most! Well, if that is the goal...how does she get there?

In my experience in coaching over 1,200 fastpitch softball games the outcome of most every game is decided on six or so pivotal pitches or plays over the entire game. That's right, only a handful of moments decide the outcome of any game, any time.

Therefore the players and teams that can execute and perform their best during these pivotal moments will be the most successful. Make sense?

We've all seen it, haven't we? The bobbled ground ball with two outs that lets the winning or go ahead run score. The based loaded opportunity late in the game for a hitter that ends up in a strikeout (or for a pitcher an 0-2 count that turns into a three run double on a poorly located screwball). These are all moments that define success or failure for team or player every time they hit the diamond.

Boost her self-confidence for Nationals here.

Here are the 5 essential keys for your athlete and her team to shine during their upcoming national tournament (ignore them at your own risk!):

1. Prepare - Since it seems like every national tournament is located in some far flung hot and dry/humid location prepare for extreme weather. Hydrate a few days BEFORE the tournament. Adjust to time zone changes and get plenty of rest. Try to keep the same sleep schedule as at home (hard I know). Nationals can also bring numerous games and long, long days...so mentally prepare for it. Remember, success lies at the intersection of preparation and opportunity; and since opportunity is always present the player and team most prepared will likely prevail!

2012 ASA 14u Nationals in Sioux Falls, S.D. 

2. Business as Usual - At national tournaments it's easy for players, teams, coaches and parents to get caught up in the hype and ceremony of the tournament with opening parades, larger audiences and teams from all over (not to mention the sightseeing opportunities). Keep it business as usual for your athlete and team. Sure...have fun, but make game preparation and games the same as always. Remember, the bases are still 60 feet apart, the ball optic yellow, the dirt brown and the grass green. The "bigger" the adults make it the more anxiety and stress your athlete and her team are likely to feel. And playing tight is no recipe for success on the diamond.

3. Lower Expectations - Sometimes in big tournaments the best players try to do too much and their performance suffers. This is why seemingly every year the World Series has an unsung hero (remember Bucky Dent?). If parents and coaches can refrain from expecting more from their players than they usually give, again, the stress level will remain low and performances can excel. Besides the added pressure from "external" expectations many athletes elevate their "internal" expectations for themselves (If your athlete is a perfectionist you know what I mean), again causing unnecessary anxiety.

4. Hyper Focus - On the biggest stage the perils of distraction are everywhere (both on and off the field; see #2). In any sport the athletes than win those pivotal moments (think Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Reggie Jackson) have been capable of extreme focus and the incredible ability to stay "in the moment." Present Moment Awareness (PMA) is essential for your athlete to possess to play her best at Nationals. Often, with all the social time a player and team has during their week at Nationals finding focus come game time can be challenging.

5. Being Her Best - At Nationals if your athlete can really dive into the fun, joy, challenge and privilege of playing the sport she loves in a new, exciting place...and bring an expectancy for success she will have every opportunity to shine. Fear is always the absence of Faith. The athlete that expects to play well (because she has done the physical and mental preparation) likely will. Remember prior successes in big games and meditate and visualize that success. Feel it, see it and live it!

Remember my formula for game day success:

R + C + F = CS

Translated...a Relaxed athlete is a Confident athlete able to play the game with laser Focus, leading to Consistent and optimal Success on game day!

My best wishes for a memorable nationals experience for your athlete, team and family this July!

Skyrocket your athlete or team's confidence for Nationals with The Sports Confidence Blueprint Program.

Follow @KellyEdge

The 3 Secrets to Game Day Success

Register for John Michael Kelly's FREE "Sports Confidence Boosting and Performance Busting" Webinar...60 minutes of proven strategies, tips and tactics!

* indicates required

First Name *

Email Address *

Zip Code *

Email Format

• html
• text

As Memorial Day looms around the corner every softball player from coast to coast will start playing more meaningful games very soon...all leading up to State and National Championship tournaments.

As the games and the stakes get bigger will your athlete be ready to perform her best in the moments and games that matter most?

Will she stand out from the crowd...particularly in front of college scouts?

Here are three critical factors that will absolutely predict her success or failure during championship season:

1. Proper Preparation - I always tell my players that they can truly be as good as they want to be. If they are willing to do the work both physically and mentally the sky's the limit as to their performance level on game day. What are some of the ways your athlete can properly prepare to insure her success?

a. Recognize her strengths and weaknesses in her game and actively work on improving the weakest parts of her game. This may also include improving speed, strength and quickness. For pitchers this might include developing a better change or rise and working harder to achieve pinpoint location. On defense this may mean more work on the backhand or for catchers more practice on quick release throws to 2nd or 3rd.

Give her the gift of rock solid sports confidence today!

b. Have a mental game plan to properly prepare for each game, each at bat, each pitch on defense or in the circle. Softball is a game that demands all players make timely adjustments. By paying attention during the game any player can gain an edge that will enable her to more easily make adjustments (like recognizing the umpire's strike zone or the pitch sequence tendency of the opposing coach/team). if your athlete is a pitcher she MUST develop a consistent pre-game routine to insure her mental and physical readiness for the game.

c. Being properly prepared physically and mentally prior to stepping on the field builds a strong sense of self-confidence. If you know you've done the work and all you can do to prepare for battle it is far easier to play free of doubt and anxiety. Confidence is the critical foundation all elite athletes share. With it any success is possible on game day, while without it the game can be a nightmare roller coaster ride of disappointment.

2. Having an Expectancy for Success - With rock solid self-confidence comes an ironclad expectancy for success. Imagine this expectancy for success to be an armor against the inevitable stress and pressure of bigger games and pivotal moments within those games. Having an expectancy for success looks like an individual and team swagger that makes the game fun.

Alabama: 2012 National Champions...Expecting to Win!

Last season's NCAA Softball Championship series between Alabama and Oklahoma was a phenomenal example of two teams and 45 players breathing the expectancy for success. I guarantee you each batter on both teams couldn't wait to hit, and this against the likes of Keilani Ricketts and Jackie Traina...two of the nastiest pitchers around!

In a game built on speed where each player has so little time to make a decision there is a razor fine line between expecting success and expecting failure. Cultivating the expectancy for success takes some time, but it will ultimately mean the difference between success and failure on the biggest softball stages!

3. Rebounding from Adversity - In a game where failure is more common than success a young player's ability to bounce back from the inevitable kicks in the stomach the game will surely administer is critical. Proper preparation and having the expectancy for success and foundation of rock solid self-confidence are essential elements, but to be able to consistently rebound from mistakes and game day failure requires a far different mindset. Here are a few tips to help your athlete more quickly bounce back from a tough game or play:

a. Understand that failure and mistakes are part of the game and no one who ever played the game has been immune to game day adversity. In other words even the great players have gone through tough games!

b. See mistakes as an opportunity to grow and get better. Although it sounds weird mistakes allow each player, if framed properly between the ears, to see which part of their game needs work. I tell my girls that the game will always give them a report card that tells them exactly where they need to get better.

c. Focus on the process and not the results. Softball mastery takes years and years. No matter how old your athlete is and what level she plays at she will still need to climb the ladder of mastery for many more years to come. In the interim if her focus is on getting better and not worrying (and judging herself) solely on her results (this means you too parents and coaches!) your athlete will be able to bounce back from mistakes and poor at bats far quicker. Her confidence will more likely stay in tact and her "slumps" will be shorter.

As championship season approaches if your athlete can focus on these the "secrets" her game day performance will soar and her joy for playing and competing in the biggest games will be something she looks forward to rather than dreads.

Like I said earlier...your athlete can be as good as she wants to be. It just requires having a good game plan and sticking to it!

What better way to prepare your athlete and team for championship season than a total immersion in two of my most powerful performance boosting programs...The Game Changer and The Sports Confidence Blueprint...now both 45% OFF!

Follow @KellyEdge