6 Proven Tips to Keep Your Athlete Motivated!

One of the challenges I hear from parents and coaches frequently is how to keep their kids motivated. This task has become even harder now that so many athletes are playing fastpitch virtually year around.

At the younger ages of 8-12 athletes most often play because they like the sport and don't really need much motivation beyond that. They also enjoy the social aspect of the game and that can be a main motivator as well. In my travel organization we often call kids at this age "little robots" because they will virtually do whatever mom, dad or their coaches tell them to do!

Once the child gets to 13-14 she plays because she's played the game for years and mom or dad drive them to practices, lessons and games. They are still in the "robot" stage, but not for long. Sure the child usually wants to play but often the social component now shifts to friends and activities outside the game. This is normally when the first signs of grumbling and not wanting to get out of bed for those early Sunday games.

At the high school age often burnout can set in unless the athlete truly has her goals clearly in sight and her motivations in high gear. At this age the social sacrifice being made is tremendous and the obsession and pressures of achieving a college scholarship can accelerate burnout.

Here is one of the main challenges with lack of motivation: depending on her personality type your daughter may not tell you she is tired of playing (as my daughter didn't tell me for over a year) for fear of disappointing you. Since you probably aren't a mind reader I have some help for you!

Here are five tips to keep her motivated and fired up for those 8 am Sunday games!

1. The Conversation - Sit down with your athlete at least every six months to reassess her commitment for the game and all that goes with it. Don't "tell her" rather "listen to her," and be open to her feelings about where she is at and what she wants to do. At the heart of all motivation issues is your athlete, at some point, has to start playing for herself instead of for you. The sooner she makes that shift the better.

2. Internal Motivations - Ideally your athlete has internal or "intrinsic" motivation; meaning she is "self-motivated." Her goals are clearly defined and she is fired up every day to achieve those goals. Whether it is to make her varsity team as a freshman, play for a better travel team, make the All Star team or get an athletic scholarship to play ball in college. When these motivators are clear and present your athlete should maintain her fire in the belly; although there will be times when you will have to remind her! Keeping visual reminder of her goals is a great tool to help her as well, like pictures of college softball players, or of her dream university!

3. External Motivations - If the internal fire isn't burning as brightly as you would like try external or "extrinsic" motivators. This is the classic "carrot and the stick" method. Create tangible incentives or disincentives for her; meaning create a reward for playing or working harder or a penalty for not. I've heard of parents offering iPhones, or cash for achieving athletic goals (or something as simple as ice cream after the game for swinging the bat for the younger kids!). A penalty might be no sleepover, taking away phone privileges (ouch!), cutting out private lessons, etc.

The best motivators ultimately are perceived as either bringing pleasure or pain. As humans we naturally seek to avoid pain at all cost. So I'm either motivated to "do" something because it brings me something I really want or it brings too much pain by not doing it (physically or emotionally). Or I'm motivated to "not" do something because I perceive it will cost me in time, pain, embarrassment, etc; or it will bring me pleasure (more time with friends, sleeping in, etc). It's simply a risk versus reward assessment.

4. Explain "The Why" Behind It - Part of the conversation you need to have with your athlete to keep her motivation going and, more importantly, make it as personal to her as possible is to talk about "the why" behind it all. Meaning why does she play the game; why are her goals important to her; why everything she does (or needs to do) will prepare her to achieve her goals; why would it matter to her two years from now (pick your time frame) if she doesn't achieve her goals? The more you can get her to buy into the "why" the more invested and engaged she will become. This is her life, so the deeper she understands the implications of her actions towards the ultimate achievement or failure in reaching her goals the more she will embrace "the journey" it takes to get there.

5. The Takeaway - As parents our job is always to "frame" the situation and explain how her decisions will impact her future. Often I hear of an athlete being burned out after a long, hot summer season and wanting to quit the game. I always counsel the parent to sit down with the child, determine what she likes or loves about playing the game (leave the negative stuff out of the conversation) and whether she is truly prepared to walk away for that. Often what comes up is how much she will miss playing with her friends, the thrill of competition, the feeling of a big hit, big strikeout (as a pitcher), or big win (Personally I miss the smell of freshly cut grass). If you can get your athlete to see what she might be missing by leaving the game it will likely motivate her to work harder.

The other ultimate takeaway and external motivator is no college. With the cost of college spiraling up by 10% each year securing an athletic scholarship may legitimately be the only way your athlete is going to college. Don't be afraid to use that card (not at 12, but certainly by 15). A little dose of truth and reality can do wonders to ignite motivation!

6. Detachment - Ultimately, as I had to do with my daughter, you must let your athlete do what she wants to do; you must let go and detach yourself from the way "you" think it should go. Now this is not to say you don't spell out her options and help her to make a rational, well thought out decision. But, by all means, include her in the conversation. After all, it's her life!

I have found, though, if you employ "big picture" thinking, keep things positive and connect the dots for her she will be motivated to work harder. Often, emotionally, a younger female athlete doesn't believe enough in herself and, thus, does not think she is capable of reaching her goals so what's the point of trying. Continue encouraging her, without criticism.

Remember, we ask a lot of our young athletes these days, especially for a teen. Part of her maturation is being able to make her own decisions, so let her. In my daughter's case she finally found the courage to tell me she no longer wanted to play the game when she was 15. She wanted to focus on her academics. It was hard for me, but I supported her. The end game for her...getting into a great private east coast university with ample academic aid. It's all good!

Thanks for reading!  --John Michael Kelly

Does She Believe She Will Be Successful?

After coaching girls' softball for over a dozen years I have found the female athlete to be amazingly determined, wildly passionate, fiercely loyal yet emotionally fragile.

This emotional fragility is heightened by parents and coaches who don't understand the uniqueness of the female athlete.

A young woman's self-esteem, self-image and self-beliefs need to be nurtured and respected, particularly as athletes in a game as difficult emotionally as fastpitch softball can be.

For an adolescent female athlete her self-belief on the field is everything. I marvel at how many players I see, work with and coach have issues with their self-confidence. I have come to realize that it's just not easy being a young woman in a world obsessed with physical perfection and often expectations for flawless behavior.

In truth your athlete or team will only go as for in their skill development and on the field performance as they believe they will. These often limiting self-beliefs can greatly impact her motivation and desire, for if she really doesn't believe she is good enough why is all that extra work really worth it?

On the field I witness an epidemic of "self-doubt;" athletes afraid of making mistakes for fear of letting down parents, coaches, teammates and self. I see so many young ladies searching for their identity on the diamond and having to cope with the inevitable emotional roller coaster ride that fastpitch is.

Then I see parents, usually Dad's, and coaches berating an athlete or her entire team after a mistake or poor game and I cringe knowing the damaging they are doing to their athletes' self-esteem and self-confidence.

In the world of sports psychology it's called "self-efficacy;" one's belief in their ability to perform a task successfully. From psychologist Albert Bandura:

People with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

--View challenging problems as tasks to be mastered
--Develop deeper interest in the activities in which they participate
--Form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities
--Recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments

People with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

--Avoid challenging tasks
--Believe that difficult tasks and situations are beyond their capabilities
--Focus on personal failings and negative outcomes
--Quickly lose confidence in personal abilities

So how can you help your athlete or team to build up this self-efficacy, the self-belief that "she can" be successful?

1. Support her and nurture her self-esteem, confidence and sense of self; particularly after a tough day on the field (or classroom).

2. Suspend your judgments, criticisms and need to be right around her. Step into her shoes and her world for a few minutes. I assure you that the amount of pressure she feels today in ALL areas of her life to excel is far greater than you experienced at her age.

3. Respect and honor her for her effort, her talent, her loyalty, her love for her teammates and the game.

4. Listen. As adults (yes I am often guilty of this with my daughter) we feel the need to talk too much when often all our daughters want us to do is put our arm around her and listen!

5. Continue to challenge her limiting self-beliefs and always encourage her to get better on the field (as in every area of her life). Start seeing her as having unlimited potential for greatness and watch her start to believe the same.

In truth the greatest gift we can give our daughters and those young ladies that we coach is the gift of confidence that propels their self-esteem, self-worth and their own belief that they can do anything they set their minds to in a sometimes difficult world!

Thanks for reading. --John

Top 10 Lessons You Don’t Want Your Athlete To Learn!

After finishing 11 tournaments in 12 weeks in various venues around the country in June and July one sad truth I saw that continues to plague the great sport of softball is bad behavior by both parents and coaches.



This bad behavior is damaging to your athlete, her team, and the organization. It cheapens the game in front of parents, other teams and college coaches.



So, here are 10 lessons you absolutely do not want your athlete to learn while on the softball field:



1. Not playing when a college coach is there to watch. I saw this in Colorado and I couldn’t believe it. The coach knew the athlete had a coach coming to scout her and he still did not play her in a meaningless pool game. Unforgivable! (The lesson: “My coach doesn’t care about me.”)



2. Putting a single athlete above the team. You know, “It’s all about my kid…scr** the team.” Pointing out your athletes statistics compared to her teammates.This kind of selfishly is becoming more and more prevalent. (The lesson: “I matter more than my teammates, and my stats define me.”)



3. Ripping your players. I saw this every weekend…coaching yelling and belittling their players. Really? You expect female athletes to respect and play hard for you when you embarrass them and rip into their confidence? These teams were usually eliminated early in the tournament. I wonder why? (The lesson: “My ego as a coach is more important than how you feel or how you play.”)



4. Bad mouthing coaches in front of everyone. I realize national tournaments mean more $$ spent, but rein in the emotional outbursts and act like an adult. If you don’t like the coach or his/her strategy then change teams at the end of the season. Just don’t poison the well DURING a tournament. Also understand there are game and tournament strategies you don’t understand that involve how a roster is utilized. (The lesson: “I never need to respect my coaches because my parents think they’re idiots.”)



5. Talking to college coaches. College coaches do not want to (and, in many cases, are forbidden by NCAA rules) talk to parents about their kids. Give them room and let your coaches and official team representative speak with them. Pimping your kid really only hurts her chances. College coaches know you embellish the truth, so back off. (The lesson: “My parents embarrass me in front of the coaches.”)



6. Quitting on your team. I saw it a few times whereby a player wasn’t getting playing time at Nationals and the parent pulled their kid, packed up and went home. Or, after approaching the coach about it the coach cut the kid. Yikes…can’t we all just get along! (The lesson: “I don’t have to honor my commitments because it’s all about me.”)



7. Being habitually late to games. There always seems to be one or two kids on a team that ALWAYS show up late to pre-game warm ups. Why? Plan it out, use Google maps or your cell GPS. Set the alarm earlier. Do whatever it takes. Don’t make your coaches have two sets of rules for the team. (The lesson: “It doesn’t matter if I’m late.”)



8. Talking to your athlete DURING the game. This is a major “no-no” in my book. Give her plenty of water or Gatorade BEFORE the game. Do not approach the dugout to talk about the game. I even saw a mom walk right into the dugout during the game to give her kid nachos. Seriously? Let the coaches coach, and the players play. You can do your mom or dad thing AFTER the game is over. (The lesson: “I don’t have to follow team rules, nor do I have to grow up!”)



9. Hopping teams. I see (back to the “me first” myopic mentality) too many players changing teams each season without a legitimate reason. In truth the green isn’t always greener. With the explosion of travel/club softball comes elevated competition to recruit players. Many coaches will tell you exactly what you want to hear so beware. Not to mention hopping teams yanks your athlete from friends and a comfort zone she may have been thriving in. The one caveat to this is a truly bad situation, in which leaving is the logical option (The lesson: “My princess deserves better because she is the best player on the team.” translation to the athlete: “My parents don’t trust me to succeed on this team. They just keep pushing me. I don’t want to change teams again. I like it here.”)



10. Yelling at umpires. Man, at national tournaments this was at epidemic levels this summer! Please honor the game and respect all those who make it happen: coaches, umpires, the opponent and every player on your athlete’s team. (The lesson: “I don’t need to respect the umpires, and I can always blame them for my failures.”)

Tony Gwynn's Message to Fastpitch Players

I met the recently departed Hall of Famer Tony Gywnn for the first time on the field in our college days when he doubled off of me into the left centerfield gap merely days removed from the conclusion of his basketball season at San Diego State.

I met Tony off the field decades later at a charity function, when he chuckled with that infectious laugh of his upon hearing my recount of his success hitting off of me, then reassuring me that I wasn't the only pitcher he did that too in his career!

Tony Gwynn was the epitome of consistency; a "pros pro" who never took his success for granted. Gwynn was, in fact, one of the last of a breed of ballplayers (along with fellow HOF inductee Cal Ripken, Jr.) whose Herculean work ethic and drive to better themselves pushed them to the limits of their God given talents, while serving as sterling role models to all who observed their relentless pursuit for perfection in a game built on failure.

Gwynn pioneered the use of video, endlessly studying his at bats after every game looking for the smallest flaw he could correct with more work. Gwynn was also known to be at the ballpark by noon for a 7 pm game, again working on perfecting his craft with countless swings in the cage and off the tee.

In his obit to the now "late" Tony Gwynn, "In a .338 Lifetime Average, Every Day Counts," the New York Times Tyler Kepner writes:

"In 1994, while on his way to the fifth of his eight National League batting crowns Gwynn spoke passionately about the attitude of the modern player. 

"They just feel like stuff is supposed to happen to them," he said. "They're not going to have to work for it. And that bugs me because I know how hard I had to work to get where I got. Sometimes they sit there in amazement at why I come out (so early) every day. But I cannot let their way of thinking into my head."

Unfortunately in 2014 I see the same thing in fastpitch softball Tony saw twenty years ago in baseball; a lackluster work ethic and a growing entitlement mentality where "getting better" often means doing the bare minimum despite an increasingly ultra-competitive softball landscape, all in the quest for college scholarships.

I have had several college coaches tell me the same: that their job description does not include baby sitting or having to deal with the endless drama and emotion that many "thin-skinned" athletes bring with them to college.

I'm confident that if Tony Gwynn were to speak to your athlete or team, as I'm sure he did often to his San Diego State baseball teams, he would say the following:

1. Challenge and push yourself to be better. You'll never know how good you can be unless you try.
2. Have pride in your game. Take your weaknesses and work tirelessly to transform them into strengths because, as a competitor, you care deeply about how the quality of your play.
3. Focus on the little things. Look for ways to get better by becoming a relentless "student of the game."
4. Don't let the team or your friends dictate your effort or performance level. Be a leader and set the example; raise the bar of excellence for yourself and others.
5. Never let anyone tell you "you can't" achieve any level or goal you set for yourself. In the end it's "you versus you." GO FOR IT!

When Tony Gwynn began his professional career his outfield skills were below average. But as with his hitting Gwynn worked his tail off to improve his arm strength, his footwork, and developed a quicker release on his throws. The end result of all his hard work...five Gold Gloves to go along with his eight batting titles, fifteen All Star appearances, two trips to the World Series and immortality in Cooperstown.

Closer to home the summer after my high school graduation, prior to commencing my college baseball career, I spent an hour every day taking a hundred swings in the local batting cage, working on hitting the ball up the middle and to the opposite field. My thinking was I would see better pitching in college and trying to pull everything and hit home runs against mostly mediocre high school pitching wasn't going to fly at the D1 college level. Turns out I was right and all that hard work paid off for me in college.

As summer is upon us your athlete and team has no excuse not to work hard and smart to improve their game. Like I always say, "How good do you want to be?"

Like Tony Gwynn, develop an expectancy for success and build that rock solid sports confidence that only comes as the result of countless hours of quality preparation through a work ethic forged from desire, dedication, determination and passion.

Tony Gwynn both expected and achieved monumental success in his 20 year Major League career. He did it the hard way, through relentless effort. It's the only way he and Cal Ripken, Jr. knew how to play the game.

Plant these seeds in your athlete and team as greatness is always available to the player and team willing to go after it and do whatever it takes to be their absolute best!